Nikki Glaser’s Best Golden Globes Zingers at Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Penn, Kevin Hart, and More

The 83rd Golden Globes aired Sunday, and comedian Nikki Glaser returned for a sequel — and she ripped it. No A-lister was safe, not even the very network broadcasting the glitzy awards show.

Here are her very best jokes in her opening monologue, sparing no expense at Hollywood, or its nominated stars.

Hollywood, Warner Bros., and CBS Gets Roasted

December last year, Netflix’s bid to acquire Warner Bros. Discovery made headlines, which Glaser made sure to point out, just barely twenty seconds into the show. “Let’s get down to business, shall we?” she said. “We’ll start the bidding for Warner Bros. at $5. Do I hear $5?”

Next was the location of the ceremony itself, which had been held in Los Angeles at the Beverly Hilton Hotel since 1961. The irony had not been lost on the host, who quipped about the awards taking place in a city where “no TV or film has been made for the past six years.”

She then shouted out the very network airing the show, “The award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes, CBS News. America’s newest place to ‘C’ BS news. We needed another.”

​Plus, George Clooney, Kevin Hart, Leonardo DiCaprio, and More

George Clooney: “I’ve always wanted to ask you this question, and I know this is unprofessional, but I might not get a chance to do it again, so here it goes: My Nespresso has been keep coming out watery, and I’m wondering if it’s a pod issue, or you think it might be the filter? Could you troubleshoot it for me later? Thank you so much. Grazie, Signore.” 

Kevin Hart (and The Rock): “Kevin Hart is here! The Rock’s plus one-half. Love you, Kevin.” 

“You and The Rock together are my favorite comedy duo,” she said. “Jumanji: Next Level. Was it?” 

Leonardo DiCaprio: “Leonardo DiCaprio is here for ‘One Man Bun After Another.’ How good was Leo in One Battle After Another? It’s insane. So good." 

"What a career you’ve had. Countless iconic performances, you’ve worked with every great director, you’ve won three Golden Globes, an Oscar, and the most impressive thing is you were able to accomplish all that before your girlfriend turned 30.”

Sean Penn: “You’re such an original. Everyone in this town is obsessed with looking younger. Meanwhile, Sean Penn is like, ‘What if I slowly morph into a sexy leather handbag?’ It’s hot. It’s good. Sean, I love you.” 

Michael B. Jordan: “In Sinners, Michael B. Jordan played two brothers. Am I allowed to say that? Doesn’t sound right. He played twins. I can’t believe it, we got two Michael B. Jordans. When I saw that, I was like Nikki B. Jerkin.”

“Why did I make that joke? I know your mom. I’m so sorry. I should not have said that to you. That should have been a DM. My mistake.” 

Even Top Above-The-Line Talents Weren't Spared

Guillermo Del Toro: “Keep making weird monster sex movies.”

James Cameron: “And James Cameron, keep making weird monster sex movies.”

Hans Zimmer: “Keep composing film scores that sound like, ‘Bwaaaamp.’”

Steve Martin and Martin Short: “Keep proving to us that in this industry you are never, ever too old to still need money.”

No one was safe!