How To Fake Your Way Through The Super Bowl
Don’t let a lack of football knowledge stand in the way of an excuse to excessively drink and eat. Here are some tips to get the most out of Super Bowl Sunday!
Welcome, non-football fans, to Super Bowl Sunday!
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On Super Bowl Sunday, it is socially acceptable for literally every American to eat an inappropriate amount of junk food AND drink so much they show up to work Monday morning totally hungover. This is your free pass! Use it!
Also, there are things for you non-football fans too! There's a very long halftime show full of shiny pop stars singing shiny pop songs! There are tons of celebrities sitting in the stands pretending to kind of care about the game! And, this is the one time per year that ad agencies try to actually make good ads! So really, this is the one time in 2016 it actually pays to watch live TV!
So why is this football game a bigger deal than the other football games?
Because this is the football championship. They play the rest of the football games to get to this football game. Whoever wins this football is then declared the best at football for the next year. Inefficient? Yes, but also effective.
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Like four hours.