Don't Call Me Beautiful
No, this isn't me saying how fucking fabulous I am. This is about those damn emails I get, from female writers/business coaches/fitness gurus/I-don't-know-what-the-crap-they-do type people, hocking their wares. They send through emails every other day, always starting with an overly enthusiastic "Hi gorgeous/beautiful!" and ending with many x's.
I signed up to them originally with hopes of obtaining washboard abs, manifesting the abundance of the universe, or learning how to do a handstand. You know, that good old "call to action" (as the marketers call it) they have on their website that sucks you in and gets you handing over your email address, so they can spam you until you hit the 'unsubscribe' button.
Am I supposed to be flattered? For all they know, I could be the ugliest person on the planet. Maybe I was born without a face. Maybe - being faceless and all - I find the constant reference to my "beauty" offensive.
I don't, of course. I love the crap out of complements, wherever they come from. In fact, complements are sometimes a necessity - I'd probably be all 'sad faced emoji' if my man-friend stopped calling me "gorgeous". I'm just not a fan of complements as a patronising marketing technique.
As a side note, I recently read a post from a woman ranting over how people keep complementing her on the colour of her brightly dyed hair. She insisted that they should keep their complements to themselves, because she didn't dye it for them. "How dare they try and crack on to me!", she raged (a bold and probably incorrect assumption, I thought). I actually responded to that post, and said "maybe you could just say thank you?"
If you can offend people by complementing them on something like their hair colour, the world is truly going to shit. I complement people constantly, mainly because I struggle with that whole "think before you speak" concept. I even told a chick at the gym she had amazing legs. Now that could have resulted in a punch in the head. Strangely enough, I found out later this is how people always describe her. "You know, the one with the legs".
How good would it be to be "the one with the legs"?
Complements are fan-fucking-tastic. But when it comes to complements from business owners who've never met me, I just think it's odd. Beautiful, gorgeous...oh piss off. You don't know me. Just cough up the goods, teach me how to do a handstand, and let's be done with this.
Statistically speaking, it's far more likely these people's subscribers would be average looking, anyway. I guess "Dear probably average looking, slightly pudgy subscriber" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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