The Bath: A Polemic

There are only a few television commercials from my childhood that remain vivid in my memory. Some of them stuck because they were selling products I wanted. At the top of my list was the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine: you stuffed ice in the plastic doghouse roof, then turned a handle a few times, and, voilà, you got a snow cone. Other ads I remember because I was too young to figure out what they were selling. Of these, the one I recall most clearly is the famous spot for Calgon, in which a beautiful woman who’s seriously about to lose her shit tells us about everything that is making her life unmanageable: “The traffic! [Shot of apocalyptic nineteen-seventies traffic.] The boss! [Shot of bald rapey boss yelling into a telephone.] The baby! [Shot of crying infant.] The dog! [Shot of an adorable sheepdog who doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong but whose existence has somehow pushed her over the edge.] That does it!” she declares, submitting to her nervous breakdown. “Calgon, take me away!”