Jose the joker!

Jose Mourinho, who takes charge of his first United game today, has already inferred that he will reinstate the traditional post-match tipple.

London - Shortly after nightfall, members of Chelsea’s non-playing staff settled down at a table outside a bar beside Austria’s stunning Lake Worthersee to toast the start of the club’s pre-season tour.

They had the green light from the manager to unwind (‘don’t go crazy’), and began to reflect on what the season ahead had in store for them on a balmy evening in the picturesque market town. Beers were ordered and the chat flowed.

Without warning, gallons of freezing water deluged the group from the balcony above, sending the beers flying.

When the group had recovered from their shock, eyes scoured the balcony for the culprit and picked out a dark figure, crawling commando-style towards an exit door.

They did not have long for the mystery man to reveal himself when, in a rush to make his escape and not looking where he was going, he banged into an obstruction.

The cry of pain and anger was in familiar Portuguese - and was something they had heard hundreds of times before. It came from none other than Jose Maria dos Santos Mourinho.

That Mourinho was behind the attack came as a surprise to nobody. It may come as a shock to those who see the touchline spats, the television tantrums, the will to do whatever it takes to win, but the mischievous, generous and fun-loving Manchester United manager that staff will face every day is a million miles from his public profile.

‘He loves a bit of mischief,’ one source explained. ‘He sees it as a way of getting a spirit of togetherness and when he decides he is going to wind someone up, almost everyone at the club is in on it - from the people on reception to the ground staff.’

Mourinho’s surprise attack in Austria two summers ago triggered a couple of days of guerrilla water bomb warfare as the camp split into two, until the Portuguese decided that enough was enough and called for a ceasefire. That evening, as the same group settled down at the same bar they felt able to relax.

They should not have. Once again, out of nowhere, they were drenched, but this time, about a minute later, Mourinho came cycling past the front of the hotel, whistling and followed by some of his staff.

The manager saw the drowned rats and feigned amazement. ‘I thought we had a ceasefire,’ he asked. ‘What’s happened to you?’

The group launched a probe and approached hotel staff, who readily offered up that for the past few hours Mourinho had been launching training runs with his allies: positioning bikes at certain points in the hotel, scoping the nearest exits and timing how long it would take to carry out an attack, jump on the bikes and make it look as though they had nothing to do with it.

Everything was planned with meticulous precision.

Such a relaxed atmosphere will be welcomed at Manchester United where first there was David Moyes and the infamous ban on eating chips, followed by Louis van Gaal and the micro-management of pretty much everything.

In a move other Premier League managers will raise a glass to, Sportsmail understands Mourinho, who takes charge of his first United game today with a friendly at Wigan, has already inferred that he will reinstate the traditional post-match tipple - offering a glass of wine to rival bosses.

That ritual, a feature throughout Sir Alex Ferguson’s glittering rein, was continued by fellow Scot Moyes but Van Gaal called last orders. While some may say the prickly Dutchman was no stranger to a post-match whine, when it came to sharing a bottle with the opposition manager he was nowhere to be seen.

Indeed, the room which was used to entertain visitors was turned over to backroom staff for analysis. Coaches did occasionally use it for a post-match get-together, but Van Gaal preferred to head upstairs and spend time with his family.

That move prompted private criticism and former West Ham United manager Sam Allardyce even went public with his dismay.

While Mourinho’s arrival looks like relaxing previous strictures, he may have a problem with, of all things, the distance from his dug-out to the dressing-room. Immediately after each game, the family-conscious Portuguese likes to call his wife, Matilde Faria.

His desire to get to his phone has led to issues previously and some would claim it was behind his attempts to shake the hands of the manager and staff on the opposition bench before the final whistle, which sparked fierce criticism and accusations of a lack of respect.

At United, he faces a long walk down the touchline before he can get to the sanctuary of the dressing room and that precious call home. The comments of one former United star, now a pundit, may well cause another issue. Mourinho is a fan of Gary Neville, who looks set to go back to Sky Sports following his role with England at Euro 2016, but outbursts from the suddenly outspoken Paul Scholes may not go down as well.

‘Jose is fiercely protective of his players,’ one source said. ‘If someone criticises him then that’s fine but if someone has a pop at his players then watch out. He cannot resist having a go back and with Scholes that may cause an issue.’

At Chelsea, most of the time Mourinho had the press eating out of the palm of his hand and those who worked at the club felt part of a family. That feeling of togetherness, of everyone working towards the same thing, is something that has been missing from Old Trafford for a long time. It may also be behind Mourinho’s apparent reluctance to allow Ryan Giggs to work with the first team. There can be no doubters, nobody yearning for a return to the past and no distrust.

That, along with almost a guarantee of success, is why United should have done everything they could to make Mourinho Ferguson’s replacement in 2013.

Better late than never.

@MikeKeegan_DM

Daily Mail