5 reasons astronauts are the worst Pokémon Go players in the human race

NASA, Mast88/DeviantArt (CC BY 3.0), Tech Insider

Everyone on Earth seems to be playing "Pokémon Go," with a special emphasis on Earth.

For better or for worse, NASA says astronauts in space can't play the hit game.

The problem is that the International Space Station (ISS) — where astronauts, cosmonauts, and other spacefliers hang out these days — is a horrible place to try and get on the web.

"[S]martphones and other mobile devices [...] do not have internet connectivity," NASA told writer Loren Grush at The Verge.

We pressed NASA for more details, and the space agency told Tech Insider the following:

"While there is internet access on the space station, it's routed from station to a ground computer and then back to station so there’s no direct connectivity. This takes time and is slower than speeds we have here on Earth," said Cheryl Warner, a NASA headquarters spokesperson.

So astronauts can get on the web by screensharing with an Earthbound computer. And who knows — maybe the ISS is the only place to get extraterrestrial Mew and Mewtwo Pokémon.

But assuming NASA (which is rightfully worried about hackers) could find a way to help astronauts play "Pokémon Go" in space, or maybe use some cheats to log them on, they'd be the worst players humanity has ever known.

Here's why.

1. Their connection would drop every 30 minutes or so.

The space station actually has fantastic GPS tracking, so there's no problem on purely technical grounds there.

But if you're on the hunt for rare Pokémon or trying to hatch precious eggs, the last thing you'd want is for your internet connection to go in and out.

Sadly, this the reality of internet access on the ISS.

The football field-size orbital laboratory orbits the planet every 90 minutes from about 250 miles up. Satellites can get astronauts online roughly 60 minutes per orbit, but the connection drops briefly for a minute or so as it's handed off from one in-view satellite to another.

Very frustrating.

2. Catching Pokémon would be impossible.

The Pokémon popping up in the game are GPS-enabled, meaning players need to walk around to find where the Pokémon are in their area. Once they're out of range, the Pokémon will disappear from the screen.

It's hard enough trying to catch Pokémon in a moving car going 60 mph, but astronauts aboard the ISS? They are booking it at 17,500 mph. That's 23 times the speed of sound at sea level.

Good luck tapping on the screen in time when you're hurtling through space on your mission to catch 'em all.

3. They couldn't hatch any eggs.

Let's say you're an astronaut. You start playing on the ground and load up on eggs, then ride a rocket to the ISS — maybe one of SpaceX's Dragon capsules.

In order to hatch those eggs, you need to be moving at a speed of under 20 mph, otherwise the game realizes that you're cheating and won't count the distance you've traveled towards those 2km, 5km, or 10 km requirements to hatch eggs.

Unfortunately, that means your high-flying egg collection is a dud thanks to that 17,500 mph travel speed.

Better make it a long walk out to the launch pad.

4. They couldn't collect anything at a Pokéstop.

You have to stay in range of a Pokéstop to rack up potions, incense, Pokéballs, a sweet backpack, and other vital objects.

But on board the ISS, you are moving at a speed of nearly 5 miles per second. So in the moment it takes to click on a Pokéstop, more than a dozen miles would have flown by and the Pokéstop would be too far away already.

5. They can't play at gyms.

The incredible speed of the ISS strikes again: You have to stay in range of a gym if you want to pledge your team allegiance and battle to defend your turf, not to mention collect sweet, sweet coins.

Well, at least NASA lets astronauts in space play with cool levitating pneumatic spheres using their smartphones.

Megan Willett contributed to this post.

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