4 outdated etiquette rules no one needs to follow anymore
The thought of all the guys at a dinner table scrambling to stand just because I'm getting up to go to the ladies' room strikes me as … funny.
But at one point in recent history, it would have been a serious faux pas if those guys didn't stand up when a woman left the table.
That's just one of many etiquette rules that are no longer applicable in contemporary society. For the most part, according to Daniel Post Senning, an etiquette expert who wrote "Manners in a Digital World" and works at the Emily Post Institute, people are pretty good at figuring out when an etiquette guideline is outdated. But observing proper etiquette still makes some people nervous — and there are a few guidelines that are trickier than others.
Many of those rules are what etiquette experts call "gendered courtesies," or behaviour guidelines that depend on your gender more than anything else.
We asked Senning and Barbara Pachter, author of "The Essentials of Business Etiquette," to tell us about some antiquated gendered courtesies and other etiquette rules that you don't need to follow anymore — and what you should do instead.
1. Address a letter to someone you don't know as 'Dear Sir'
You don't sound polite — you just sound weird. And possibly rude.
In general, Pachter said, "we want to use people's names if we have them." Some Googling can probably help with that.
On the other hand, Pachter said, "if you don't know the person's name, then you use a non-gender, non-specific term." She suggested: "Dear client" or "Dear [company X] representative."
The salutation is important, she added, because "if somebody sends you an email [saying], 'Dear Sir,' what are they telling you? They're telling you that they don't know you. Therefore, why should you care what they have to say?"
2. A man pays the bill when at a restaurant with a woman
Again, it goes back to host/visitor status. Pachter said, "The new guideline is the host pays the bill, regardless of gender."
Senning said this new guideline isn't so different from the old one — because the man almost always used to be the one who invited a woman on a date. Now, he said, "we have an allowance for the understanding that anyone could invite anyone. So because the role of host has expanded to not necessarily be a gendered role, then that role of paying has also changed."
Senning added that many people prefer to split the cost of a first date so that no one feels indebted to the other person. But if you're worried about confusion arising when the bill comes, he said you should address the issue head-on when you accept the invitation. "Set that expectation that you're going to share costs," he said.
3. A man must wait until a woman extends her hand to shake it
In today's workplace, Pachter said, handshake behaviour is no longer based on gender; it's based on rank and host/visitor status.
The new guideline is that the host or the higher-ranking person (as in the person who holds a more senior position in a corporate hierarchy) should extend his or her hand to welcome the other person.
But if the host or higher-ranking person doesn't extend their hand within a split second of meeting, Pachter said, the visitor or lower-ranking person should extend theirs.
4. A man should initiate 'helping behaviours' when with a woman
That includes helping a woman put on her coat, holding the door for her, and carrying packages.
"Just because we change things doesn't mean that we become rude," Pachter said. You should "help anybody who needs help, which is a much nicer environment."
That said, if you're a woman and a man does move to open the door for you, Patcher said let them. "Just turn around and say, 'thank you.'"
An important note: Both Pachter and Senning mentioned that what you do in your personal relationships is your own business. You and your partner, or your friends, can figure out what feels right for you, whether that means having the man pay the bill or carry the packages.
But when you're meeting someone for the first time — especially in a business context — it's best to adhere to new etiquette guidelines so as not to offend anyone.
Read more from Business Insider UK
• The EU is really annoyed with Boris Johnson and Britain as Brexit talks approach
• Every single major political risk event in Europe in the next 5 years — in one chart
• One reason why it's almost impossible for Italy to become the next country to leave the EU
Read the original article on Business Insider UK
© 2016. Follow Business Insider UK on Twitter