Welp, I bought an iPhone again
It takes a week to switch phones. First, there's the technical process of moving eSIMs across devices, which takes either a few minutes (if you're switching from one Android phone to another) or two days, a half-dozen calls to Verizon, a verification text message sent to your mom, and approximately 11,000 restarts of your phone (if you're switching from iPhone to Android). Then comes a few hours of app downloading, settings tweaking, and personalization, because every phone has a bunch of unique ideas about everything.
You can be up and running on a new phone in an afternoon, but by the time you've downloaded all your Kindle books, synced …