A Canadian LGBT Family Reflects On Their Adoption Process

Contributing writer Beth Hallstrom went north of the boarder to get Canadian perspectives on LGBT parents and their child welfare system in this installment of the Huffington Post Gay Voices / RaiseAChild.US "Let Love Define Family®” series.

Canada's reputation as a friendly, open and accepting land shines brightly in the country's adoption policies, which have helped many LGBTQ couples and individuals -- including Ann Loree and Fareen Samji of Burlington, Ontario -- create the families they longed for.

Ann and Fareen, both 41 years old, are parents to daughter Ganesha, who is 15, and 12-year old son Kam. 

"Our adoption story is a very positive one," Fareen said. "Maybe it's because we live in Canada, where our relationship has been accepted for so long, but ours is a story of a system that works."

"This is a very tolerant part of the country," she continued. "The foster and adoption systems seem to be more open and inclusive here than in other parts of Canada and, in our suburban neighborhood, there really isn't a large LGBTQ community because we're so assimilated in society. There is just one community and being gay just isn't an issue within that community. Sometimes, when we meet families who live elsewhere and see how isolated their lives can be, we are grateful we live in such an accepting society."

In the Province of Ontario where Ann, Fareen and their children live, LGBT families have been included in the foster and adoption systems for 20 years, according to Pat Convery, executive director of the Adoption Council of Ontario. 

"The LGBT community is the best thing that happened to kids who are waiting to be adopted, especially those who are difficult to place. Being able to look at LGBT families has allowed us to look at quality families we wouldn't have considered before. LGBT families have always dealt with diversity are more willing to deal with it, and bring important qualities like empathy and understanding to the adoption process," she said. 

The Adoption Council of Canada calls adoption "one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized social phenomenon in our country" and estimates that, of the more than 78,000 children in the public child welfare system, approximately 30,000 are eligible for adoption. The majority of these children are age six and older. 

Single people, same-sex couples, gays, lesbians and transgender people are all welcome to pursue adoption and there are no upper age limitations on prospective parents, according to the Ottawa-Based council. 

Ann and Fareen, who have been together for 18 years, said they always knew they wanted to have children and felt strongly about building their families through adoption. In fact, motherhood and adoption were among the first topics they discussed after meeting at a university coffee hour. 

"We both knew very quickly that we wanted to be together and we knew we wanted to be parents together. We both come from very strong families, so it made sense to have our own family and it made sense that we would adopt," Ann recalled.

"We both have two siblings, our parents are still together and our family values are quite similar and very strong. That's what we grew up with and that's what we knew we wanted for our children, too," Fareen added. 

Ann, who put her engineering career on hold to become a stay-at-home mom, and Fareen, who is a pedorthist, began their adoption journey when they returned to Canada and got married in 2003 after living in California for several years.

"We were ready to start our family, but we were concerned about our ability to adopt in the U.S. as Canadian citizens holding temporary visas, so we returned to Canada and, in 2005, began the adoption process," Ann explained.

Canadian adoption laws vary from province to province. In Ontario, where Ann and Fareen live, prospective parents must participate in a home study, take a mandated course called Parent Resource for Information Development and Education, or PRIDE, and attend an Adoption Resource Exchange conference.

The ARE conferences, sponsored by the Ministry of Children and Youth Services, are held five times each year and bring together all the children's aid societies (the agencies tasked with providing child protective services) throughout Ontario to provide information and showcase the children available for adoption to prospective parents.

It was at one of these conferences that Ann and Fareen first learned about the five-year-old child who would become their daughter, Ganesha.

"One of our PRIDE trainers said she knew of a girl who would be perfect for us, so we went to an ARE event and met our daughter's caseworker. We just fell in love with Ganesha's profile and then we met her in person and that was it. She told us she wanted a cat, a fish and to be a big sister. We told her we had a cat, we bought a fish and said we were working on the big sister thing," Ann recalled.

While Ganesha's adoption went quite smoothly, Kam's adoption three years later was more complicated because he was not yet declared a crown ward when he was placed in foster care.

Fareen explained, "Ann was teaching a PRIDE course and a caseworker she met there said she knew of a boy who would be ideal for us. We waited a year and finally met with his social worker, who asked if we were willing to foster him.

"We said that if it meant he would one day be our son, then we would do it. We decided to proceed as if it were an adoption because he wanted a forever home. We technically fostered him for nine months while waiting for him to become a crown ward. It was definitely an anxious time, but it was worth it in the end."

Today, Ann and Fareen report life for their family is filled with art, music and sports and they are delighting in watching their children grow into intelligent, sensitive and compassionate young people.

"We do it all -- volunteer at school, watch karate matches, and go to swimming meets, concerts and art shows. Our daughter is a gifted artist and musician and our son is a swimmer and a drummer and plays team sports. Just being a part of their lives and seeing life through their eyes is amazing," Ann said. "They've just opened the world up for us."

As Ganesha and Kam grow older, Ann said the family's future will most likely include some foster children. 

"The kids want to foster as an entire family -- they want to be part of the process. They are so insightful and so compassionate, we think they would be great with any children we would welcome into our home," she said.

While Ann and Fareen said they always knew their future would revolve around children and family, they said they never dreamed how satisfying and meaningful motherhood would be.

"Adoption has profoundly changed our lives and in ways we never even considered," Fareen added. "It's opened us up emotionally and given us so many opportunities. You think you go into adoption to save a child. But you're not only saving a child -- you're saving yourself." 

RaiseAChild.US is the nationwide leader in the recruitment and support of LGBT and all prospective parents interested in building families through fostering and adoption to meet the needs of the 415,000 children in the foster care system of the United States. RaiseAChild.US recruits, educates and nurtures supportive relationships equally with all prospective foster and adoptive parents while partnering with agencies to improve the process of advancing foster children to safe, loving and permanent homes. Take the next step to parenthood at www.RaiseAChild.US.

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