Something Awful forumite achieves posting godhood, emerging from the void after 100,000 hour 11 year ban to continue the same argument from 2013
No, I am not revealing my username.
In what may be a unique event in world history, a Something Awful forums user has posted so hard that it's become news—returning from the void after a decade-long ban purely in order to pick up the exact same tabletop game nerd debate that got him banned in the first place.
Let's begin at the beginning. The Something Awful forums are (in)famous and, god help us, genuinely culturally important. Despite—or maybe because of—a $10 registration fee, all sorts of memes, turns of phrase, and general ephemera of internet culture have sprung from them over the course of their 24-year existence. It also bears the burden of being at least partially responsible for the creation of 4chan, which was originally created by disgruntled members of SA's anime subforum.
The SA forums are also famous for giving moderators free reign when it comes to laying down the law. It's not uncommon for users to end up eating bans (which you have to pay $10 to get out of) or lengthy probations ("probes," or time-limited bans) because they're being annoying, or have neglected some bit of posting etiquette, or just because it'd be be funny. The forum keeps a dedicated list of all its recent bans and probes alongside the reasons they were handed out, like a wall of heads on spikes.
One such head on one such spike was a poster in SA's tabletop game subforum. Etherwind, the hero of our tale, was disciplined all the way back in 2013 for, ah, jokingly wishing death upon an author on the World of Darkness TTRPGs in an argument over the political direction of the series. Etherwind's punishment was swift and lengthy: A probation period 100,000 hours long that began on the 14th of February, 2013, at 10:24 pm BST.
It's far from the only time a 100,000 hour probe has been handed down by SA's mods but, where most users simply take it as the de facto permaban it is, our Etherwind set an internal timer. 100,000 hours equals about 1.1 decades, 11.4 years, or 4167 days. He would be free to post again in July 2024.
Ten years passed. And then…
Etherwind returned precisely 100,018 hours after his probation began and swiftly resumed the argument, posting at 9:04 BST on July 14, 2024, and quoting a post from the thread in which he was originally banned within SA's latest and greatest WoD discussion thread, ready to resume his war like some kind of net-bound Hiroo Onoda.
The thread's inhabitants, some of whom had only registered on SA long-after Etherwind had eaten his probation, were suitably awed by his tenacity and dedication. "I'm so curious," said poster Attorney at Funk, "does someone on an 11 year probation set a calendar reminder or does their poster's soul simply vibrate with newfound freedom[?]"
"Must feel amazing to let that out," said Relevant Tangent. "I don't think we're going to top that," said Rand Brittain, "so why don't we just go ahead and ban him for another eleven years?" Some compared it to events in the World of Darkness itself, like when an all-powerful Antediluvian vampire awakens from centuries of torpor to mete out godlike destruction. "Imagine having a Something Awful thread as your Fetter," said a user named Dawgstar.
But as frankly astounding as Etherwind's commitment to his bit was, his resurrection wasn't just a result of an untold dedication to posting. In a Google Doc shared with the thread via social media, our hero explained how posting in SA's community had been an important part of his life, how he had done a lot of growing up and a lot of mental healing in the intervening 100,000 hours, and how he now regretted his life as an infamously abrasive poster.
But still, even with his new outlook, he recognised the end of his ban could be an incredible opportunity for comedy. His decision? To set a calendar reminder and resume his argument like no time had passed at all, picking on a poster from back in the day that he had no beef with whatsoever, committing to the bit before dropping the account entirely.
Which is, frankly, quite heartwarming on top of being the greatest feat of posting I've ever witnessed. As strange as it might sound to say it, online communities like SA are an important aspect of a lot of people's lives. Lord knows I've gone through several over the course of my life that have actually shaped me as a person. Coming back 1.1 decades after a minor forum spat has ended to pick up the gauntlet again seems like a perfect way to reflect just how serious and ridiculous that is all at once.
Finally, Etherwind was right. Wraith's 20th Anniversary Edition didn't come out in 2016.