What to Do With Our Broken Hearts

I am crying out inside, my heart breaking. How about you?

For every human there must be a breaking point where enough violence and hurt is really enough, and something must change. Every time your heart breaks, there is a choice whether to move the hurt into a smaller, more compact, constricted space, or whether to move it into a big space where at least you can breathe.

I've had enough of the shootings, the killings. How about you? And, I've had enough of violent, killing language in my life, of outbursts that hurt, of behavior that is out of control and irresponsible. Are you with me?

I've been through an exercise with clients lately of reviewing our lives and looking at the core wounds, in order to discover powers they have made available to us. It's a powerful process of unveiling the power of the heart. This is very different from the power that is force, the kind that often takes the form of aggression, violence or oppression. I'm talking about the power of the heart. The power of love.

It seemed fitting to be going through such an exercise in the midst of a week of violence. It's so easy to send the hurt and anger we feel into that zone of revenge. To wish harm upon the perpetrators. But haven't we had enough lessons that more killing is not the answer? Violence met with violence only leads to more of it.

Somehow in the midst of grief about the prevalence of violent, unkind behavior in my long life, I thought of a "Have-A-Heart" trap. Since we live out in the country and have a lot of pesky varmints, we often face a choice. Do we kill the rattler, or the ground squirrel, or the pack rats making nests out of my outdoor throw pillows? Whenever he can, my husband traps them (yes, even the rattlers) and puts them in his truck and hauls them away from our property to an open area where there's no one to bother.

Now, what does that Have-A Heart trap have to do with my depression over the state of things? Well, something has to be done with all those feelings. I can just let the anger, the sadness, the fear wash over me, but then I don't want to allow my mind to keep on making up stories of doom. So what to do with these feelings?

I often have clients come to me and ask me to do a kind of exorcism, so they can be free of unwanted feelings. "No," I always explain. "Actually we're going to let them come closer instead of chasing them away." We need to find out that we can actually co-exist with our "negative" feelings just as we can co-exist with wild creatures. And, it's okay to have boundaries. We get to live within the wall around our house, and if one of them invades our space, it gets moved. Into a place that is more spacious.

Within my heart there are dark places where unhealed hurts still wander around, usually in some small dark place where I've managed to lock them up. What any therapeutic or healing process does is actually release them, so that they can be wild, and inhabit a much bigger space than our personality. We can release them to the Universe, to the Mystery, and then we're not haunted by them in the middle of the night, rumbling around in the depths of our poor, burdened heart.

So if your heart is broken, as mine is and I think the majority of the world's is, create your own inner Have-A-Heart trap. Simply be still and ask those wounded places in your heart to appear, to come out of hiding. And then trap them. With love. Say to yourself, "Good for you. Here is your rage. You caught it." Now, instead of infesting your home life, you can let it out into the universe. It can join with the rage of all humanity at the things we have done to ourselves and to each other. Things in the name of God.

You could do this by writing what angers or saddens you on a piece of paper and burning it outside in a safe place. Watch that paper transform into ash and smoke and see it heading out into the cosmos. The cosmos can handle it.

See if you feel a little freer now. A little lighter. See if those wild feelings can be honored and released to their territory. Then you won't have an inner terrorist turning your life upside down.

Now you're clear. Maybe you still feel feelings of sadness and rage, but they aren't running you, because you have made them conscious. Now you have free choice. Instead of just "acting out," as violent people often do, you can decide what action to take.

Hint: if you believe in God, no matter what religion has been your tradition, love is at the core. So when confronted by choices, you can take a strong stand. And that stand can be grounded in love. That's the only thing that will work now. Have a heart.

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