Trump and Carson want to arm America ... as long as America stays the hell away from them

Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ben Carson are very fond of suggesting that mass shootings in America could be prevented if everyone was packing heat. Problem solved! In recent days, both have cited the Paris attacks and suggested that such a thing could never happen at one of their rallies because they’re chock-full of God-fearing, America-loving, pistol-packing patriots. According to Ben Carson:

"If a bunch of terrorists came in here and there were people in here with guns, it would be very unlikely that they would be able to carry about the kind of massacre they did in Paris."

And The Donald claims that:

"Paris is one of the places in the world that's toughest on guns" so Parisians were left vulnerable.

"There was nothing anybody can do," he said. "I know one thing, in this room, it's a whole different story, right?" The crowd cheered.

(One imagines raucous chants of “U.S.A., U.S.A” at this point.)

Of course there’s one teeny, tiny detail Trump and Carson leave out: As they are both receiving Secret Service protection:

They don't allow any guns except those carried by authorized personnel.

Which is how it should be. Common sense tells us that public safety and protecting the candidates is paramount. But you’ll never hear these candidates admit that. Because then they’d have to admit that their events are “gun-free zones.” Which would be a wee bit awkward when you’re advocating for a glock in every pot.