I'm a mom of 4 and have done back-to-school shopping for over a decade. These are the 3 things I've learned.

• I have two kids in middle school and two in college.
• Back-to-school shopping can cost me more than buying Christmas gifts for my whole family.
• I buy a lot of things secondhand and my kids can spend their own money for pricier items.

Back in the 80s and 90s, school shopping seemed straightforward and relatively inexpensive. While I'm not sure if the grandparents who raised me would agree, a recent survey shows that the average American family will spend just under $875 on back-to-school shopping for the upcoming school year. For families of college kids, the price is even higher at $1,364.

As the parent of four children who's been back-to-school shopping for over a decade, I have realized the real key to surviving this time of year is being creative.

I have kids in middle school and college

My kids range in age from 11 to 19. With two in middle school and two in college, back-to-school shopping costs me almost as much as (if not more than) our family's most expensive holiday, Christmas.

Not only do kids need school supplies, including headphones and calculators, but they also require shoes, clothes, backpacks, haircuts, and lunch boxes. Parents must also factor in the cost of electronics and sports, many of which now feature a modest fee.

As a parent in the expensive world of back-to-school, which features rising costs due to inflation, a chaotic political climate, and a fluctuating stock market, I've come to rely on many tips. From negotiations with teens to creative saving, I've become something of an expert.

I shop secondhand

One of the first things I did was to know my audience before I wrote down our list. Younger kids seem easier and less expensive to shop for than older ones. Hand-me-downs are more easily passed off as cool.

A trip to the local Goodwill or consignment shop can be an adventure if sold correctly. I would even let my kids get a cheap toy or book once we had successfully navigated our list. Unless you're lucky enough to have a kid who loves retro items and views Goodwill as a trip to all things nostalgia or one who is into sustainability, older kids can be a harder sell when it comes to shopping secondhand.

Local buy-nothing groups and Facebook Marketplace can also be appealing.

We re-use a lot

Another thing I make sure to do before hitting stores is to go through last year's clothes to see if anything still fits.

I've set aside a section in my basement each year so I know exactly where to start in August. While this may not be an option due to growth spurts, it can be the perfect time to create your own secondhand store. I often took this time to pass down clothes from my older kids to my younger ones. I also had friends I would swap with, especially when my kids were little.

If nothing works out from last year's clothing, many secondhand stores will buy the kid's clothes that no longer fit. This money can then be used toward the purchase of new school clothes. One local consignment shop even lets us use the money as a trade for the clothing we purchase at their store.

We then figure out what supplies we may still have sitting around the house so we don't waste money buying what we already have. We review the kids' needs versus their wants. Sure, they want Nike and Lululemon, but that isn't always affordable.

They can use their own money for more expensive items

If kids have jobs, this can be a great time to begin teaching them about money.

I have allowed my kids to buy a more expensive name-brand if they are willing to put their money where their mouth is, which means going halfsies on these items. This way, they learn a valuable lesson about working for the things they want, and I keep my back-to-school budget on track.

Name brand wants have also helped me to teach my kids the fine art of compromise. My daughter wanted a $35 shirt from a stylish store. We saw the same one for a quarter of the price online. Since no tag displays the brand on either, she decided to save our budgeted money for more expensive sneakers. We then found those sneakers for $30 cheaper by buying the bigger size in kids' shoes.

The timing is important

When it comes to shopping, timing is everything. Shopping too early or too late can make things difficult. If I've shopped too early, my kids want to wear their clothes before school starts. To avoid this, I have to set clear boundaries and expectations ahead of time.

The kids may try on the back-to-school haul and show off to friends via Snapchat or TikTok, and then it is stocked away until school. The advantage of early shopping is the variety you will find. It also allows families to budget and take a specific amount out of paychecks throughout the summer.

The few summers where I've waited until the last minute proved difficult. I tend to pay more because I feel pressured, the selection isn't as great, and I haven't been able to space money out, lessening the blow of one gigantic shopping spree.

If the local salon has a back-to-school sale that kicks in the week before school, my kids have to wait for the haircut. I also plan on where to use my funds best and share that info with my kids. If they choose to spend more on school supplies, it will impact the amount they are allowed to spend on clothes. Normally, my kids prefer to spend on clothing and shoes, so picking up classroom supplies from the Dollar Store helps them and me.

As a mother, I'll take whatever tips I can to simplify our lives.