Harriette Cole: I’m fighting with my husband because I don’t want a divorce
Plus: I'm overwhelmed by the realization that I will die
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s actions are hurting me, but I am torn because I don’t want to have a broken family, so I find myself constantly fighting back.
His behavior toward me is causing emotional pain and distress. Despite this, I am hesitant to consider separation or divorce because I worry about the impact it would have on our family and our child. Therefore, I find myself engaging in arguments and trying to defend myself, hoping that things will improve.
How can I address the hurtful behavior while still maintaining a stable and loving family environment? Is there a way to find a resolution without sacrificing my own well-being?
— Emotional Distress
DEAR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS: Do you think your husband would be willing to go to couples therapy with you? With a therapist as a referee, you may be able to acquire strategies for managing conflict that can help you work through issues without feeling debilitated.
If he refuses, you should consider going on your own. Having professional help will support you in evaluating your life, your behavior and your next steps. Perhaps you will be able to learn ways to engage your husband differently that help yield better interaction with you.
You also may discover that you cannot bear being with him. If that is the case, you will need to make a plan of action for your future.
Know that you do not have the power to control his behavior. If he is unwilling to make the effort to create a healthy home environment with you, you do have the ability, however difficult it may seem, to move on and design a different, healthier home for you and your child.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am struggling with the knowledge and understanding of life and death, and it is causing me significant distress.
I have a deep fear of dying and leaving my family behind, and I don’t know how to handle these thoughts and emotions. The realization of our mortality has become overwhelming, and it is affecting my daily life and relationships.
I constantly worry about the possibility of death and the impact it would have on my loved ones. This fear is preventing me from fully enjoying and appreciating the present moment.
I really don’t know how to find peace and acceptance in the face of life’s uncertainties. Is there a way to live fully without constantly dwelling on the fear of death?
— Deep Fear of Dying
DEAR DEEP FEAR OF DYING: Ask yourself why death and dying are troubling you so much right now. Has someone close to you died or become ill? Evaluate the reason for this focus.
You can also soften the impact of your death by getting your life in order: your papers, insurance for those you will leave behind, etc.
Beyond that, you have choices to make. You can dwell on the inevitable, or you can choose to live your life.
Every moment that we have is precious. If you decide to approach each day as a blessing and choose to make the most out of it, you can engage in joy and purpose.
Death is coming one day. Why not choose to enjoy life while you have it?
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.