Harriette Cole: My girlfriend is stealing from me. How should I confront her?
Every night we're together, $500 disappears from my wallet.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I have been dating for five months. How do I tell her that I know she is stealing from me?
I met her on an online dating app. The first instance of stealing occurred after two months of dating.
I am a bit messy with my wallet, and that day I had withdrawn a significant amount of cash. She offered to organize it for me. The next morning, I noticed that $500 was missing. When I asked, she said I must have misplaced it.
However, every time we spend the night together, I notice that $500 keeps disappearing.
While it’s not a big deal if she asks for it because I’m willing to give, I’m just put off by the stealing antics.
— Stealing GF
DEAR STEALING GF: You should be offended, even if your girlfriend were only taking $5 without asking — but you are talking about $500!
What in the world would make her think that it is OK to steal anything from you, let alone that much money, and more than once? You absolutely must confront her immediately.
Ask her why she would do such a thing. Point out each time that it has happened, and make it clear that you know she took it. Mention that nothing like that ever happened to you before she was in your life. Get her to answer.
While there is no legitimate reason for stealing, I’m sure you would like to know what excuse she can muster.
If she continues to lie, that’s just more reason for you to end this. It isn’t worth it to be in a relationship with someone who is dishonest in that way.
Cut your losses by saying goodbye to her. Better now than later, when she goes for something more valuable.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Am I considered rude for saying no to all of the requests my cousin makes?
He messaged me last week, telling me that he will be participating in an internship in New York, where I currently reside, and demanding to stay at my apartment. My place is small — without much room even for one person — and I explained this to him, but he keeps insisting.
We’re not close, and this cousin acts familiar with everyone and makes insensitive jokes all the time.
In my hometown, one of my closest friends worked with him and shared how unbearable he can be. Strangely, I felt validated.
He is still spamming me with messages, insisting he will even bring a cushion when he stays over.
— Insufferable Cousin
DEAR INSUFFERABLE COUSIN: There is no rule that says you have to provide shelter for your cousin.
Trust that someone like him will be hard to get rid of if you let him in. Stick to your refusal; you don’t even need an excuse. It is your right to allow whoever you want to live with you.
When he complains and berates you, say that you are sorry you cannot accommodate him, but it will not be possible. He will have to find another solution to his housing needs.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.