Gratitude overshadows great loss, says author of book about losing wife to cancer
"The unfortunate truth," the author of a new book told Fox News Digital this week, "is that there are a lot of people out there who are devastated by the loss of a spouse — especially so in the first year" after the spouse's passing, he said.
New York City-based Warren Kozak is the author of "Waving Goodbye: Life After Loss" (Post Hill Press, April 2024). He shared thoughts about the reaction he's received to the story of losing his wife — and trying to move forward as a different person.
In short chapters containing personal stories and observations, the book captures the devastation he felt (and is still feeling) after he lost his beloved wife, Lisa Krenzel, to cancer in Jan. 2018.
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With her passing, the couple's daughter also lost her mother.
The experience "completely unhinges everything in our world, and we feel completely lost," he said of losing a life partner.
"Slowly – and it comes at different times for different people – we have to create new selves," he said. "We are forever changed. We are different people."
Kozak, an essayist and journalist who has written in a variety of media for most of his life, also told Fox News Digital, "I will say something that I did not believe in that first year, but now after six years, I think is true. We do learn to live with the loss. We learn to get on with our lives and be productive again."
He added, "I never thought this would happen in those early days [after his wife's passing]. We even learn to enjoy little everyday things in our lives. But we are never the same."
Kozak said that "in the end, what helps me the most is being grateful for what I was given. That gratitude overshadows the loss — most days."
He also said, "I just wish there weren’t so many people going through this."
Among the comments that have come in from other people about their own experiences of losing a spouse after decades of marriage is this one: "I lost my husband, it's coming up on two years," one person shared. "I still don't know who I am now. I still feel like most of me left with him, still cry every night and every morning."
She added, "One step at a time and pray every day for God's helping hand."
Another person related, "Losing the love of your life is very hard and yes, life does change. It's been years for me and I can still cry about it with certain songs or places. I have never remarried but did try dating for a little while. It seemed nobody ever compared, so I just stopped."
She continued, "I am much closer to God and that has helped a lot. Your relationships with friends and family change. You feel a little like, Exactly where do I fit in now? I was still working at the time and I think that helped. It forced me to concentrate at least for a little while on other things."
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In response to a similar comment about devastation after loss, another person wrote, "It gets easier. It takes effort not to slide down the drain. Don’t let it pull you in."
This commenter added about losing his wife, "Keeping busy helped me. Purposely recalling funny moments with her also helped. Knowing that I will see her again helps. Recognizing that if I had gone first, I would want her to be happy and live out her life as God intended made it easier for me to enjoy life again."
Another person said, "What you need to do is work to try to ensure that the loss doesn't change you in a way that's damaging for you and your family."
Others expressed compassion and offered encouragement and strength to those suffering.
"So sorry, friend. Be strong and live."
"It's OK to get a little help," said someone else. "Hospice offers grief counseling for anyone experiencing loss. It’s not limited to patients and families. They also provide support for children who lost a parent."
Another individual wrote, "Deepest sympathy for your overwhelming loss. I hope you can rediscover joy in life. If you have a hobby or want to do something outside of work, find a group to do it with."
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He added, "Company of others — a widower support group that meets for breakfast on Saturdays helped a friend of mine. They organized guy outings to ball games and bowling — and it really helped him by being with others who understand."
"Waving Goodbye," published on April 9, is available wherever books are sold, including on Amazon.
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