Reddit users defend man who did not tell his wife a crime was committed in their house
A Reddit user asked for advice after his wife moved out after she discovered their home was the site of a murder-suicide years ago. A communications expert weighs in as well.
A Reddit user whose wife moved out of their house after she discovered a crime took place there before she moved in did nothing wrong by not telling her about the house's history, other Reddit users insisted — but a communications expert told Fox News Digital the situation is far more complicated.
"AITAH for not telling my wife the history of the house I bought?" asked Reddit user "Pleasant-Tear3205" in a May 6 post on Reddit's "AITAH" subreddit.
"AITAH" stands for "Am I the a--hole here," a site for users to share conflicts with others and then receive opinions and judgments in return.
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In the post, the writer said he's 34, and that nine years ago, he bought a house, as he "wanted nothing more than to live on a few acres of land in a quiet house with my dogs" (he did not share his location).
He looked for "months" for a house with no luck, he said.
"Finally, a [real estate professional] asked me if I would mind if the house had a bit of a history," said Pleasant-Tear3205.
"I said it would depend (wouldn't want anyone showing up with a baseball bat to collect an unpaid debt)," the man shared with others.
Instead, he was informed that a murder-suicide had occurred in the house a few years earlier.
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Unfazed, Pleasant-Tear3205 said he "didn't think much of it and agreed to view the house" — which he ended up buying, as it had "four bedrooms and two bathrooms and is on three acres of land."
"The asking price was $481,000, which I knew was a steal," he said. "The realtor agreed it would be at least $100,000 more if it weren't for the fact that a high-profile crime had occurred in it."
The man said he put in an offer below the asking price, "and miraculously the owner agreed."
"I haven't thought about what occurred in the house more than a couple of times since," he said.
Five years after purchasing the house, Pleasant-Tear3205 met "Jennifer," a 31-year-old whom he married last year, he said.
"When I took her to my house for the first time, she fell in love with it," he said.
That is — until she recently learned what happened there so many years ago.
"The other day, Jennifer was at the grocery store, and she got into a conversation with an elderly woman. The woman asked where she lived, and Jennifer described the location," he said.
"Apparently the elderly woman told her, ‘Oh, the old Johnson house? Terrible what happened there’ and explained everything," the man shared in his post.
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This new information did not sit well with his wife — who "got home in a panic."
"She told me that we lived in the ‘old Johnson house,’ which confused me, as I had never heard that name. Then she told me about the murder-suicide, to which I responded that I knew about it but never really cared," he said.
"Jennifer got slack-jawed and said she couldn't live in a place where something so terrible had happened."
Pleasant-Tear3205 reminded her, he said, "that that's what she had been doing for the past year-and-a-half."
His wife then "dramatically fled the house with a suitcase to stay with her parents," and is now arguing with her husband about selling the house.
"She seems really upset about my not telling her, but as I said before, I legitimately didn't care enough to even remember," he said.
He posed this question to others: "Should I have said something about this to her before she moved in?"
Fox News Digital reached out to Pleasant-Tear3205 for an update.
An etiquette and communications expert told Fox News Digital that the situation is very complicated — and that there really is no "right" answer to this dilemma.
"In the case of husband and [wife] Jennifer, it’s not whether he was right or wrong. It comes down to personal angst, superstitions, or she likes to be informed," Rosalinda Randall, a California-based civility and etiquette speaker, told Fox News Digital in an email.
Randall suggested that perhaps the wife should seek counseling to better cope with her angst at the house — or maybe she could learn details about the incident to put her mind at ease.
"Perhaps she could consider how happy she’s been, prior to learning of the incident," said Randall.
Her reaction to the news and sudden move out of the house, however, could be a sign that their relationship may not be as solid as Pleasant-Tear3205 thought it was, she said.
Since phone conversations have proven fruitless, Pleasant-Tear3205 could consider meeting with her at her parents' house, and "possibly include her parents in the conversations."
"Note to parents: Mom and Dad, either stay out of it or talk to your daughter about how marriage works," Randall said.
Pleasant-Tear3205 should seek to "find out whether she’s mad because he didn’t tell her or because of the actual incident" — and aim to "figure out how to eliminate lingering bad vibes at the house."
Randall went on, "In this case, I believe that she needs to cut him some slack by trying to understand that it really didn’t matter to him — he wasn't focused on the history of the house, but the future."
She also said, "Now that she’s had some time to cool off, pout, whatever, it’s time to gather herself and hold a grown-up conversation with her husband."
Without "communication and listening to one another," the expert said, "the relationship is doomed."
Reddit commenters had a much less nuanced take on the situation.
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Many said the husband was not wrong to buy the house and that he was also not wrong to not inform his wife about its history.
On the AITAH subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" comments they find helpful, and "downvote" those they do not.
Of the more than 700 replies to date to the post, most said that Pleasant-Tear3205 was "NTA."
"You had the house for years before you met her. It's not like you were hiding it from her. It never came up 'cause you don't think about it. I don't have any advice for your relationship with your wife, but NTA," said user "Rude_Land_5788" in the top-upvoted comment.
Other users shared similar stories about their own homes.
"I unknowingly bought a house with a similar history. It was only weird the first night I found out. People die in houses all the time. It’s OK," said Reddit user "pdxcouplese" in another top comment.
One of the replies to pdxcouplese's comment noted that "in Europe, it would be weirder to live in a house where no one died if it's near city center."
Another user had a tongue-in-cheek suggestion for what Pleasant-Tear3205's wife should do if she wants to avoid living where people have died.
"If your wife wants to go where no one has ever died before, suggest she volunteer to be one of those people who colonizes Mars," said user "Ok_Perception1131."
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