Bill Belichick’s extremely formal first Instagram post looked like someone forced him to record it

When Bill Belichick unofficially retired and entered the NFL media world, he probably thought his life would be relatively simple. A few times a week on television, someone would ask him his opinion about different NFL situations like, I don’t know, cutting a 31-year-old veteran before they’re due for another payday. His eyes would light up, he’d answer with a smile, and then he’d move on about his day in glorious, well-earned retirement.

Oh, Bill. Oh, no. Oh, sweet heavens, no.

Welcome to the (wholly miserable) world of instant online gratification, a.k.a. social media.

On Wednesday, after well-documented issues with “Insta-Face” in the past, the 72-year-old Belichick officially created his first-ever Instagram account. (Note: His handle is @billbelichick.) And let me tell you, the video he used for his announcement couldn’t have been more awkward, stilted, or uncomfortable.

(Click through the post below to see it.)

The man was almost certainly forced by someone else to do this, and I KNOW he’s not happy about it. Just listen to his delivery.

“Surprised to see me here? I know I am, too.” (Forced chuckle.)

Belichick is practically crying out for help after being exposed to the maniacal vise grip of social media. And his pleas are being ignored! I sure hope someone does something soon before he starts posting overly earnest Instagram stories about the fresh white New Balances he bought while sitting by a random pond in Nantucket.

If we let that happen, it’ll be too late.