The 'Happiness Paradox': Why Trying To Be Happy Is Making You Miserable

I didn’t believe the experts who told me that trying my hardest to stay awake was the cure to my 3am wake-ups ― until I tried it. 

The practice, called “paradoxical intention,” sort of acts like a reverse Uno for your brain; you take the pressure off of the task at hand, making your mind more able to actually complete it. 

A similar logic might be at play for people who are constantly pursuing happiness, a new paper published by Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being suggests.

Why does seeking out happiness make us, well, unhappy?

The researchers surveyed hundreds of people and found a seemingly contradictory result; the more people said they pursued happiness, the less content they actually were.

They suggested that this might be because constantly seeking happiness “depletes” your mental resources, and suggest that it saps our willpower and self-control most. 

Through a series of group tasks, like eating chocolate and completing mental challenges, the researchers found that people obsessed with improving their mood tended to give in to their impulses more often and quit more.

This may be because they’re tired and stressed from the mental exertion and pressure, the authors wrote.

“The pursuit of happiness is a bit like a snowball effect.”

“You decide to try making yourself feel happier, but then that effort depletes your ability to do the kinds of things that make you happier,” the study’s co-author and professor of marketing, Sam Maglio, said. 

It’s a bit like orthosomnia, an obsession with sleep length and efficiency that paradoxically makes people less likely to get a good night’s rest.

So... how should I actually improve my happiness?

“Just chill. Don’t try to be super happy all the time,” Maglio advised.

“Instead of trying to get more stuff you want, look at what you already have and just accept it as something that gives you happiness.”

The NHS adds that managing stress (including self-imposed stress from worrying about how happy you are), doing your favourite things whenever you can, talking kindly to yourself, not drinking too much, eating well, exercising, and sleeping can all help. 

Not on the list? Endlessly stressing about your own wellbeing...