Mum-of-two killed herself after suffering ‘classic signs of emotional abuse’

A mum-of-two killed herself while struggling to cope with the fall-out from the end of a relationship that by then bore the ‘classic signs’ of emotional abuse, an inquest has heard.

Michelle Sparman, 48, from Battersea in southwest London, ended her life on the Rose Ward at Queen Mary’s Hospital in Roehampton on August 24, 2021. She had been admitted to the acute psychiatric unit voluntarily following an overdose three days earlier.

An inquest into her death has heard that her family will be inviting Assistant Coroner Bernard Richmond KC to consider how the behaviour of her ex-partner Roger Stephens impacted on her mental health.

He has previously acknowledged sending too many text messages and making Michelle’s life ‘very difficult’ by putting stress on her.

But he also insisted he ‘absolutely’ loved her and blamed hormone changes for her mental health issues.

The court heard today how Michelle messaged her sister in November 2020 saying Mr Stephens’ messages ‘affects me so much for every day for the whole day’, adding: ‘I will end up killing myself.’

By the following February, she had instructed a solicitor to write a letter asking him to refrain from further contact.

It stated that since moving out he ‘continued to attend the family home daily’, had been ‘verbally abusive and threatening’, and continued to ‘call and message her excessively’.

The letter added: ‘This behaviour is causing my client a lot of anxiety and cannot continue.’

Michelle threatened to block him in March, but the court heard they had to stay in contact to make arrangements about childcare.

On April 5, he messaged her: ‘All of us feel sad in our own way because of you.’ She told a friend later that day his messages ‘just emotionally drain me’.

Inner West London Coroners’ Court heard that on May 23, Michelle sent him a message detailing how his texts hurt her.

She wrote: ‘I can’t cope with the toxicity anymore the nasty text messages, every single one that is so personal hurts me so deeply and leaves its mark.’

The court heard Michelle complained again throughout June that his messages were painful to read.

After the messages were read into the record, Mr Richmond said: ‘It is quite clear that there had been behaviour which even Roger had admitted was creating extra stress and that behaviour was at times humiliating, demeaning and added to the stress of the break-up. He couldn’t accept the break-up.

‘What matters of course is the effect of this on her was to add to her stress, so that would have been operative at the time.’

He added: ‘I would be prepared to acknowledge that she herself perceived herself at the time to be abused.’

Jennifer MacLeod, representing the family, said: ‘The family’s position is that she perceived that as abuse, and all the medical professionals we have heard from perceived that as abuse.’

The assistant coroner told the court he was not ‘going to label Roger an abuser’, pointing out evidence that on occasions she described feeling ‘grateful’ to Mr Stephens for supporting her.

But Ms McLeod followed on: ‘If it is a complex emotional situation. If it is a situation where there is sometimes some benefit from the relationship.

‘If there is a situation where there are mixed feelings, in my submission that does not stop it from being abusive.’

Mr Richmond agreed: ‘Quite the contrary.’

Ms MacLeod added: ‘It is absolutely classic. The fact that there are complaints around this are indicative of it being abusive, not the other direction.

‘If all the facts are there and if you are thinking about a conclusion of abuse, why wouldn’t you label it as such?’

Mr Stephens, who is an unrepresented party to the inquest, was called by Mr Richmond to give evidence a second time.

He told the assistant coroner he found the break-up ‘completely shocking’. He also said the effect of the menopause on Michelle’s mental health ‘hasn’t been mentioned enough in this inquest’.

Mr Stephens admitted ‘at times really bombarding her with texts’ which were occasionally ‘angry’, ‘begging her’ and ‘guilt-tripping her’.

‘Do you accept that you were using every technique you could think of to try and get back with you?’ Mr Richmond asked, to which Mr Stephens replied: ‘Yes.’

But he denied his actions were ‘calculated’.

Mr Richmond went on: ‘The intention behind everything you were trying to do was to try and get her to come back to you, wasn’t it?’

Mr Stephens replied: ‘Yes, to put the family back together.’

The assistant coroner went on: ‘Can we say that whatever your intention, the impact on her if you kept on and on and on is the same as if you were doing it deliberately?’

‘I can see it now,’ Mr Stephens said.

Mr Richmond said: ‘What is really being suggested was that at the very least the impact on Michelle was the same as if you had been trying to be abusive towards her.

‘Regardless of what you intended, the impact was the same – can we say that that is right?’

Mr Stephens replied: ‘I can see that that is the point, I can only say that I wasn’t thinking that.’

He also questioned why, if he was so ‘horrible, threatening and abusive’, Michelle was not ‘taken away by her family’ to ‘the police called’.

Earlier, the court heard Michelle told a GP in October 2020 that she was struggling after separating from Mr Stephens.

In a self-referral to Talk Wandsworth, a talking therapy service, the following month, she stated: ‘Almost every day I see this person because of our boys, and he calls and texts almost daily.

‘He wants to get back together and is doing a lot of blame shifting saying I destroyed everything and how could I break our family.

‘It has impacted on my sleep, my eating, my confidence, my emotional and mental wellbeing and continues to do so daily.’

Requesting ‘specific counsellors who deal with victims of narcissistic behaviour’, she said: ‘I feel I need to speak to someone to help me heal and get through to the other side by talking about what has happened and helping by giving me strategies to deal with an ex-partner who I still see almost every day who has narcissistic traits.’

During her triage assessment on November 16, 2020, she noted that ‘I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells’.

She also said her ex-partner ‘would berate her every day and tell her “you’re breaking up the family”’.

He would also often cry and tell her ‘he misses her and makes her feel guilty’, the notes show, adding: ‘He often shouts at her and is emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive.’

During her first therapy session on February 16, 2021, she reported that ‘my main problem is feeling overwhelmed and stressed’.

Messages from her former partner made her feel ‘uneasy, nervous and anxious’, she added.

Michelle self-referred again on May 20, saying: ‘I am struggling with emotions and low mood after the end of [my] 26-year relationship and feel it would help to talk to someone one-to-one with regards to my feelings about this.’

During a triage assessment on June 14, it was noted that Michelle reported ‘low mood’ due to the end of the relationship.

The record shows she also mentioned receiving texts from Mr Stephens which were ‘quite emotional’ and that she ‘has not been sleeping well’.

Michelle was rushed to A&E at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital following an overdose on August 21, 2021.

She was then admitted voluntarily to the Rose Ward at Queen Mary’s Hospital in Roehampton where she made the attempt on her life which resulted in her death on August 28.

The schedule of reports made by Michelle to various services was outlined during evidence from Danielle Megranahan, a therapist with Talk Wandsworth at the time.

She said Michelle had been discharged from the service after ‘temporarily’ recovering before her second self-referral in May.

Assistant Coroner Bernard Richmond KC said: ‘Then, sadly Talk Wandsworth did not get to do any work because of course by that stage when they are probably beginning to engage, she goes into hospital and she sadly dies.’

He asked Ms Megranahan: ‘Doesn’t it come to this; there were things that could have been done to help her – she was not in a crisis, or helpless because she had spoken to a solicitor – but in terms of what was going on, opportunities to perhaps assist her to reduce the impact of what was happening were missed?’

Ms Megranahan replied: ‘I believe we should have referred her onwards to a domestic abuse charity, yes.’

She told the inquest Michelle’s death had led to a review within the organisation which identified improvements and those have since been implemented.

Earlier, Meredith Kuleshnyk, manager of Rose Ward, revealed she had been planning to speak with Michelle about her claims of domestic abuse but she died before any meeting could take place.

Ms Kuleshnyk wept in the witness box while being quizzed by Mr Richmond about how the ligature Michelle used to end her life got onto the ward when she was not supposed to have it.

The assistant coroner pressed her about the search processes which should have detected it and the policy of logging belongings during those examinations.

Asked if there were any ‘loose cannons’ on her team who were ‘not up to the job’, she said: ‘I am not aware of anyone that stands out.’

The inquest has heard informal patients, who were allowed to leave the ward for things like fresh air, should have been searched every time they came back.

‘Each individual has a different level of search, but there would have been some form,’ Ms Kuleshnyk confirmed.

She said there are three types, with level three being ‘rare’ and involving the removal of clothing, level two involving a hand search with a metal detector wand, and level one being a basic bag search.

But Michelle’s care plan has no note of which type of search she was subjected to.

Mr Richmond asked: ‘If property comes in to someone on the ward it is not just given to the person, it is looked at to make sure there is nothing in there that is contraband.’

Ms Kuleshnyk replied: ‘That is what I would expect to happen.’

The coroner went on: ‘The fact that this ligature was in but there is no record of it in the property logs, well there has been a failure in searching the property – that must be right?’

Ms Kuleshnyk suggested the item could have been hidden by ‘baggy clothing’ or obtained while off the ward and taken back inside.

‘Shouldn’t you have been asking these questions on the very day it happened,’ Mr Richmond asked.

‘On the day this woman killed herself with a ligature in circumstances where there is absolutely no indication she had it.

‘Shouldn’t this have been the very first thing you should have been doing after she had gone off to hospital?’

Mr Kuleshnyk became emotional, sobbing in the witness box as she told the court: ‘I resuscitated her.’

Michelle’s brother and sister also wiped away tears as they watched on.

After a short break, Mr Richmond told her: ‘Whatever else is going on, I am absolutely sure that Michelle’s death will have had a dreadful and profound effect on people on that ward, because people do not go into nursing to see people die or get injured.

‘I am sorry that the questions I have asked you and pressed you on to find answers inevitably are painful.

‘But do not for a second think I do not understand that there is a very real human pain that you are feeling and your colleagues feel arising out of this as well.’

She broke down again at the end of her evidence when Jennifer MacLeod, the lawyer representing Michelle’s family, told her: ‘The family understands that you were the person who found Michelle on the last day.

‘They understand that you performed CPR on her and got her breathing again and they are very grateful for that.’

Ms Kuleshnyk wiped away tears and mouthed: ‘Thank you.’

The inquest continues.

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