A man called me a terrible mother for how I was taking my kids to school

I felt a creeping presence behind me as I cycled up a steep hill with my two children in tow.

Gruff and Marnie – who were around five and two years old at the time – were happily cruising along with me in a trailer attached to my bike, which is essentially a wide buggy-shaped seat, enclosed by a metal frame, weather-proof cover and a big flag to alert drivers.

It was the morning school run so it was a particularly busy time of day on a main road in south London. I’d done this route countless times before.

Suddenly, I felt a car driving really close behind us. I’m not a slow cyclist, but I could tell it was desperate to overtake.

Sure enough, it did – then within seconds, the car screeched to a halt in front of me, which made us stop in the middle of the road too. I clocked the face of the man driving the car, contorted and furious.

‘You’re a bad mother,’ he screamed, ‘it’s disgusting and irresponsible that you’re putting your children at risk.’

I was speechless, as my heart raced and adrenaline pumped around my body. I felt scared for myself, but mainly for my children. 

Within seconds, the man sped off before I even had time to think or could make a note of his registration plate. To make matters worse, several people stopped to look at the commotion, but no one checked if we were alright.

‘Why was that man shouting at you, Mummy?’ my son Gruff later asked. I calmly explained that he was probably grumpy because he was running late, so he took his frustrations out on us.

But the thing is, it’s perfectly safe and legal to do what we were doing. If anything, he was the irresponsible one for stopping in the middle of traffic to shout at us.

This is just one of the outbursts I’ve experienced as a cyclist in London – and aggression from men like this is particularly shocking as a woman and mother.

I’m 48 years old and have been cycling pretty much my whole life – then around the capital for over two decades now. For the most part, I love it because it’s so convenient to get around, fast, and great exercise. too.

But I’ve had some really scary moments on the road.

A few years ago, I was cycling along Oxford Street and a pedestrian stepped off the footpath without looking to cross the road. We collided and I was knocked off my bike onto the bonnet of a car.

When I shouted at him to watch where he was going, he had the audacity to run up to me and try to kick me. Thankfully, I only sustained scrapes, but I was shaken up and completely bewildered by his reaction.

Nevertheless, when I had my two children (after cycling throughout my pregnancies until I was eight months along!) it just made sense that cycling would be a part of their lives, too. They each started in child bike seats on my bike, then progressed to the trailer and now they have their own bikes.

At 12 and nine, they’ve grown up with it and I have made sure to instill road safety in everything we do – especially when we can practice on quiet backstreets.

This includes proper positioning, protective equipment, looking ahead for junctions or obstacles, signalling, and anticipating what cars might do next.

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Unfortunately, they’ve been shouted at by pedestrians numerous times. One particular man yelled and swore at them for riding on the pavement during a dangerous stretch of road, which shook them up.

There have also been a couple of instances where people have opened car doors without checking and almost caused them to crash.

But it’s not all bad.

We’ve been for lovely weekend rides along quiet roads, where we’ve been able to chat or point out beautiful newly-blossomed trees. Those moments of freedom and closeness are so special to me.

I also love when I set off before 7am and the roads are quiet so everything feels like it’s just for me – even if it’s cold or drizzly.

But cycling alone in the dark – particularly as a woman – can be terrifying. In fact, I have a different route home in summer than I do in the dark, winter months. 

I won’t ever cycle through large, unlit parks on my route home. This is because I’m scared I’ll be jumped by someone hiding behind bushes or shrubs.

I don’t like to think that the world is bad or scary but I just think: Why would I take that risk when it can – and does – happen? For the sake of five or 10 minutes extra, I just don’t want to put myself in that position.

At the end of the day, I’m always on my guard for danger as a cyclist. But as a woman, there’s the added chance that I’ll get verbal abuse, aggression, sexual harassment, or even groping.

According to the London Cycling Campaign, a staggering nine out of 10 women said they have experienced verbal abuse and aggression while cycling in London. For 63%, it was at least once a month.

Devastatingly, over one fifth of women said they’d given up cycling, temporarily or permanently, as a result of these experiences.

This is shocking and more needs to be done so that female cyclists feel safe on our roads. That means we need more education, but especially more empathy.

I don’t deserve to be shouted at for the simple act of cycling on the roads. My children don’t either.

So think twice before you do – your respect is the least we deserve.

As told to James Besanvalle

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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