Denmark offers $1,000,000,000,000 to buy California and force Calexit

Danish campaigners have launched a bid to purchase the state of California, following Donald Trump’s plan to acquire Greenland and make it part of the US.

The ‘Denmarkification’ campaign seeks to crowdfund $1 trillion to purchase the US state and make it part of the Danish kingdom.

Upon acquiring it, the Danes will reportedly instill the region with Danish values and rename Disneyland to ‘Hans Christen Andersonland’, while making the most of its sunny weather and resources.

‘Mickey Mouse in a Viking helmet? Yes, please,’ they said.

The satirical campaign, which has acquired over 200,000 signatures so far, does not directly mention Trump’s threats but uses language similar to that of the US president, offering to ‘make California great again’.

‘Los Angeles? More like Løs Ångeles,’ the petition reads.

‘Have you ever looked at a map and thought, “You know what Denmark needs? More sunshine, palm trees, and roller skates.” Well, we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make that dream a reality,’ the campaign website reads. ‘Let’s buy California from Donald Trump!’

Elsewhere in the campaign, the group suggests that Danish toy giant Lego would manage diplomatic relations between the two countries, because ‘dealing with children throwing tantrums over missing bricks has made them experts in negotiation.’

They even argue that Trump himself may welcome the bid, claiming Trump ‘isn’t exactly California’s biggest fan. He’s called it “the most ruined state in the Union” and has feuded with its leaders for years. We’re pretty sure he’d be willing to part with it for the right price.’

Denmark would sweeten the deal for the US president by offering him a lifetime supply of Danish pastries,which ‘Hollywood would pay for’, and upon acquisition, Denmark would bring ‘hygge to Hollywood, bike lanes to Beverly Hills, and organic smørrebrød to every street corner,’ before adding: ‘Rule of law, universal health care and fact based politics might apply.’

In another sleight on Trump, it says that the ‘will of citizens’ has never stopped the president from carrying out a business deal and adds that Denmark would ‘protect the free world’ if it ran California.

In an effort to convince Danes to get on board with the plan, it highlights California’s sunny weather in comparison to Denmark’s cold climate, pitching the purchase as a ‘once-in-a-lifetime opportunity’ to get ‘more sunshine, palm trees, and roller skates.’

Greenland, which is home to a large US military base, is both a territory of Denmark and a part of NATO. 

Trump wishes to take control of the territory and its 56,000 inhabitants in order to expand US influence in the area, and to gain control of its strategic location in the Arctic sea which offers the shortest route between North America and Europe.

Prior to taking office for his second term on January 20, Trump said he would not rule out the use of military force to seize control of Greenland, after declaring its control to be vital to American national security.

When asked if he would rule out military action in the area, Trump said: ‘I’m not going to commit to that. It might be that you’ll have to do something. The Panama Canal is vital to our country.’

‘We need Greenland for national security purposes,’ he added.

However, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen wasn’t impressed by the request, and reportedly told Trump behind closed doors that the territory isn’t for sale.

In a televised request, Frederiksen called Trump’s bluff and said she did not believe the US, who she called Denmark’s ‘most important and closest ally,’ would use military or economic power to secure control over Greenland.

Frederiksen repeated that she welcomed the United States taking a greater interest in the Arctic region, but that it would ‘have to be done in a way that is respectful of the Greenlandic people,’ she said.

The satirical campaign is just the latest example of Danes hitting back at Trump’s threats to take control of Greenland, which has sparked national outrage.

Addressing the US President last month, right-wing Danish MEP Anders Vistisen responded to his statements: ‘Dear President Trump, listen very carefully.

‘Greenland has been part of the Danish kingdom for 800 years [sic]. It’s an integrated part of our country. It is not for sale.’

To emphasise his point, Vistisen added pointedly: ‘Let me put it in words you might understand, Mr Trump. F**k off.’

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