[Pastilan] ‘Duterte-Duterte 2028’: Why fix what’s broken when you can smash it more?

So, Salvador Panelo — the man who’s always just one idea away from making you question reality – comes out with this plan: ex-president Rodrigo Duterte becoming his daughter’s running mate in 2028. Everyone clap, please, because if absurdity were a sport, this wild idea would be winning gold medals.

I nearly fell off my seat as broadcast journalist Jun Albino from Cagayan de Oro’s Magnum Radio struggled to keep a straight face while tackling it. “Ano ba ‘yan?” he told listeners, shaking his head as if he had just witnessed a dog trying to drive a car.

Panelo dropped one of the strangest ideas I’ve heard in recent weeks — a real brain-dead gem. It’s the kind of idea so nauseating it could make a lot of people want to empty their stomachs. 

This takes political dynasty to an entirely new level. It may have been done in Davao, but that’s Davao, a city where many people have been taken political hostage for years that they began to love and surrendered their reason to the hostage-takers. Beyond its borders, the idea of a Duterte-Duterte 2028 is so void of reason and decency, it’s like someone just told the entire nation that what it needs is a political dynasty on steroids!

Picture Panelo sitting there, all excited, probably shaking a little from the pure adrenaline of such an idea. He tells Duterte something to this effect: “Mr. President, I figured out the perfect plan. First, you run for mayor again in 2025 — because, you know, Davao’s going to explode if you’re not there — and then, in 2028, you pull the ultimate political heist: run as your daughter’s VP, and boom! Duterte-Duterte 2028!” 

It’s going to be an addition to The Godfather series, but with more public executions! What kind of dystopian movie is this? Keeping Up with the Dutertes, where the plot twist is an old man who could barely walk desperately yelling, “This is my daughter, vote for her,” while his daughter’s like, “And this is my father, vote for him too!” They’ll just be passing the political baton, but instead of passing it forward, they’ll be tossing it back and forth in a family relay race.

And this Panelo guy actually thinks that Duterte running as VP will bring all his old allies crawling back. Really? That’s the grand master plan? Look, Congress has been waiting in line like it’s a Mega Sale at SM just to give the old man and the politicians in his family a smackdown after six years of holding their noses while he ran the show.

Remember, back in 2016, Duterte told Congress, “None of you supported me when I ran for president.” Not one. He never had genuine allies in that pit. They just played the game, turned a blind eye, and kept their traps shut for six long years.

Come to think of it, who, at that time, wanted to get bitten by a rabid dog with drool hanging off its fangs, a foaming rage, and a presidential sash? None of them wanted to end up as a “statistic” or on that infamous narco list, which was nothing but a concoction of what the public already knew a long time ago, gossip, a splash of intelligence info, and Duterte’s wildest daydreams.

Duterte — because, of course, he’s an old man who never met a bad idea he didn’t like — doesn’t say no to Panelo, and supposedly tells him something like, “Sure, I’m open to any possibility.” Of course, he is!

But where does it end? What’s next? Duterte 2034: The Return of Robocop? I swear, we’re one step away from Duterte 2040: The Immortal Reign, where they might keep him in office through dark sorcery or upload his consciousness into a Facebook algorithm that runs for public office every six years.

Maybe they’ll find a way to preserve him (and his kids) in office forever — perhaps by running from a hologram or a cryogenic chamber. It’s quite clear that this isn’t just politics anymore; it’s a freakin’ family business.

Is this supposed to be something like “Vote for all the Dutertes because we ran out of other ideas?” Here’s a suggested campaign slogan: “Why fix what’s broken when you can just keep smashing it – just vote for all the Dutertes!”

Or is this Panelo strategy just another trick from the old man Duterte, trying to pull another squid maneuver and distract the public from his daughter Sara’s spectacular self-destruction?

It’s laughable to think about claims that Sara Duterte is actually getting praise in Mindanao. It’s not true. The truth is, she’s a laughingstock outside her circle. After the budget hearing shocker, she’s like a used car with a “buyer beware” sticker slapped on it — rusty, with the check engine light permanently flashing. (The POGOs, which helped provide a legion of trolls in the past, are too busy these days, struggling for survival.)

And get this: in the Duterte bubble, they’re spinning this ridiculous tale that Sara actually gave House members a beatdown during the budget hearing. Their key word is “slayed.” Really? Like a political cage match? “In this corner, weighing in at 200 pounds of political fury, Sara ‘The Bruiser’ Duterte!”

The thing speaks for itself. Just hit up the internet and watch the videos of Sara’s tantrums, like a toddler throwing a fit in a toy store — they’re everywhere. She actually exposed herself as a politician with not much intelligence to offer except Dutertismo. 

It has become clear: She’s clueless about how to defend her position. She couldn’t think clearly and was panicking when she demanded, or “requested,” that the committee chairperson step down. That was not only funny and entertaining but also spoke volumes about the politician.

The kind of behavior and unruliness of Sara during that hearing are exactly why Robert’s Rules of Order exist. It’s the grown-up manual for keeping meetings from devolving into a chaotic free-for-all. It’s a guide on how to avoid turning a hearing into a wrestling match. I doubt if she even knows that something like that exists.

So, the next time you see a meeting go off the rails, just think of Sara Duterte. She’s the living, breathing reason why Robert’s Rules of Order were invented — to remind people in a formal meeting about what happens when chaos, confusion, and a complete disregard for order come together in one epic train wreck.

It was a series of blunders since she blew her top when Senator Risa Hontiveros simply asked her to say something about what her bird book was all about so that senators could decide whether or not it deserved P10 million in hard-earned taxpayers’ money.

Now, more serious questions are being raised about how the Office of the Vice President has been spending public funds and how the education department considerably missed its targets during her watch.

Then came her apology to the Apollo Quiboloy-led Kingdom of Jesus Christ (KOJC) for asking them to support the presidential campaign of Bongbong Marcos in 2022. She said she made the mistake of agreeing to become his running mate.

By her own admission, Sara played a role in bringing back the Marcos family to Malacañang. So, why won’t she apologize to the entire nation then? Why KOJC alone?

It really makes one wonder: What other mistakes did she commit and will commit? If she becomes president, will she do another Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo by saying, “I am sorry”? Pastilan. – Rappler.com