Tom Brady’s new clothing line is so Tom Brady it hurts

BRADY

Nobody is going to confuse Tom Brady with the world’s most exciting or interesting man, but we didn’t really expect this either. After three years of curation, development and testing, Brady unveiled his brand new clothing line “BRADY.”

Now, you’re probably thinking that three years of design and innovation has probably created some incredible pieces. I mean, one simply doesn’t work on anything for that long without something coming out the other side that’s at least interesting.

So feast your eyes on this!

Yes, that’s a regular-ass cotton hoodie with “BRADY” written on it for $95. I’m not going to hate too much, because hell, Supreme basically built an empire off this. What is hilarious though is that this hoodie, the only item one could imagine Bill Belichick buying, can’t even be tumble dried. The care instructions say it must be lay flat, and honestly, I just assume Belichick puts them on wet and walks them dry,

So maybe BRADY hoodie isn’t for you. How about a ...

Hell yeah it’s an extremely ugly $140 polo, but it also has Tom’s name on it. Though this time it’s “brady” in lower case, because this is a chill Tom look. Finding this polo shirt was a relief, because I’d almost thought we were going to get a clothing line with no snake oil bullshittery, thankfully this came through in the clutch.

I’ve been waiting for a shirt with silver ion technology and hydrogen technology. How did he know?!

I feel bad for the poor model asked to wear the BRADY vest, because he knows he looks like a dork and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Look, fashion is all subjective and I am an extremely uncool gentleman. So maybe someone out there is dying to get all the green BRADY gear they can afford. He’s calling this whole movement “Lifeletics,” for real, that’s a thing he has trademarked.

Good luck with the clothes, Tom