Radical listening: two big ideas and six core skills that could help you connect more deeply with others

Even though we live in a constantly connected world, more people feel lonely than ever before. According to public polling company Gallup, nearly a quarter of the world’s population reports feeling lonely.

At the same time, we’re overwhelmed by distractions: 80% of desk-based workers admit to losing concentration during meetings. And with just a scroll through our newsfeeds, we see growing polarisation and political division on a global scale.

In such uncertain times, the practice of radical listening – listening with greater intention – offers a way to reconnect and to foster a deeper sense of empathy, engagement and hope.

In our book, Radical listening: the art of true connection, which I co-authored with positive psychology expert Dr Robert Biswas-Diener, we explore how radical listening can improve motivation, wellbeing and meaningful connection. To become a radical listener, you’ll need to embrace two core ideas and develop six essential skills.

The first idea is about clarifying your intention when listening. At the heart of radical listening is the belief that we always listen with a purpose — even if we’re not fully aware of it. For example, we might listen to a podcast with the intention of learning something, or attend a comedy show with the goal of being entertained.

When we set a clear intention, we become more attuned to what matters. If your aim is to show appreciation during a conversation, you’ll naturally tune in to the qualities you value in the other person — a thoughtful comment, a kind gesture. If you want to elevate your listening, enter conversations with a positive, deliberate intention.

The second idea is about matching your listening intention to what will be most helpful for your conversation partner. This is grounded in the principle of optimal matching of social support. Biswas-Diener explains it well here: meaningful conversations happen when there’s alignment between what the speaker needs and what the listener offers.

This may sound obvious, but we often miss the mark. Say your partner has had a tough day. Should you offer advice? Reassure them with a personal story? Just listen and empathise? Change the subject to distract them? The most effective response might be asking: “What do you need from me right now?” When you get the match right, you’ll feel the connection.

Six core skills

We all have our own listening styles: empathetic, animated, quiet, curious. The good news is that everyone can improve their listening by practising these six core skills:

1. Noticing: This means scanning for subtle but relevant cues: body language, facial expressions, changes in tone, or unusual word choices. Noticing shows you’re fully present. For example: “I noticed you lit up when you talked about your previous job.”

2. Quieting: Managing distractions, both external and internal. Great listeners reduce interruptions by putting away their phones or turning off notifications – but also by calming their internal chatter. Being rested and mentally present makes quieting possible.

3. Accepting: Respecting others’ right to their views – even when you disagree. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It means acknowledging that others have a valid perspective. Try practising this by listening to someone whose views challenge your own.

4. Acknowledging: Validating your conversation partner’s experiences and contributions. Look for opportunities to highlight their strengths, reflect their feelings and show empathy through both your words and expressions.

5. Questioning: Curiosity is a cornerstone of radical listening. Ask questions that express genuine interest and invite deeper sharing. Try: “What was it about that moment that made it so special for you?”

6. Interjecting: Jump in (briefly) with minimal encouragers to show you’re engaged – then jump back out. Minimal encouragers are short verbal or nonverbal cues used during a conversation to show you’re engaged without interrupting or taking over. They’re a key skill in radical listening because they let the speaker know you’re present and responsive while keeping the focus on them. Think of it as offering small bursts of energy, like “That’s amazing!” or “Wow, I didn’t know that.” It shows you’re actively listening, not passively absorbing.

Radical listening is a hyper-intentional, purposeful and proactive approach to connection. It’s about helping others feel seen, valued and heard. The benefits for your conversation partner are clear — but there are also real advantages for you. You’ll build deeper relationships, experience more satisfying interactions, and be able to create trust quickly.

In a world of loneliness, distraction, and division, radical listening isn’t just a nice idea – it’s a powerful tool for human connection.

This article features references to books that have been included for editorial reasons, and may contain links to bookshop.org. If you click on one of the links and go on to buy something from bookshop.org The Conversation UK may earn a commission.

Christian van Nieuwerburgh does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.