‘Should I Give My Boss a Holiday Gift?’
Every December my inbox fills up with questions about how to navigate holiday gift-giving at work: Are you expected to give your report a gift? What about your boss? How should you handle pressure from colleagues to chip in for group presents, and is there a graceful way to stop giving gifts when you’ve given them in previous years? We’ve got the answers to those and more, below.
‘Should I give my boss a gift?’
My current boss is the best manager I’ve ever had. She’s supportive, kind, interested in my professional development, and a fantastic mentor. Would it be inappropriate for me to buy her a gift for the holidays? I wasn’t in this job last December so I don’t know if that’s something people typically do here or not.
Don’t do it! The etiquette for giving gifts at work is that they can flow downward (meaning a boss can give their employees gifts) but not upward (so employees should not give gifts to their managers). That’s because of the power dynamics at play. Otherwise, an employee might feel pressured to purchase presents for the person responsible for their employment, and it’s not okay for managers to benefit from the relationship in that way.
A holiday card, though, is a lovely gesture, especially if you include a note about why you appreciate working with her.
‘My boss wants an expensive gift!’
The company I work for has 12 employees. Every year, the owner asks our manager to go around and collect $60 from each person to then get a present for her. Around this time, she always makes comments about the type of jewelry she likes or a new watch she’s seen.
I have kindly let them know that it is not in my budget this year as my spouse changed jobs a month ago and times are tight. When I told them that, they said that participation is mandatory and no one is allowed to opt out. I simply don’t have the $60. My spouse and I aren’t even exchanging gifts this year. Am I causing drama for no reason, or is $60 a lot to ask of an employee?
Your company’s owner is a terrible person, and whoever is trying to make this mandatory is out of their gourd. Frankly, even insisting on $5 donations for a gift for the boss would be out of line — but demanding $60 from someone who says it’s out of their budget is a whole new level of awful.
How firmly have you said “no”? If you soft-pedaled it in an effort to be polite, be more direct: “I do not have the money to give. I’m not even exchanging gifts with my spouse this year. It’s not possible for me to come up with money that I don’t have.” You might also consider broaching the subject with your co-workers, seeing if they’re annoyed by this, too, and if so, pushing back as a group. This kind of practice is harder to maintain when a bunch of employees speak up and say, “We’re not okay with this.”
‘How can I stop giving gifts this year if I’ve always given them previously?’
Every year that I have been a manager, I’ve given each of my team members a holiday gift. I have 15 direct reports, and in the past I’ve spent around $20 to 25 per person, sometimes on gift cards, other times on things like a Rocketbook notebook, an Echo Dot, etc. However, my financial situation took a hit this year and gifting my team isn’t within my budget right now. How do I gracefully not give a gift? Some team members have been with me for years and will expect one.
Can you switch to bringing in baked goods for the whole team? Bring a festive tray of cookies (or whatever you know your team would enjoy) into the office and give each team member a handwritten card to each person? Include a note about what you appreciated about that person’s work this year or what you like about working with them in general. A lot of people will prefer that to any small material gift you could give anyway.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your financial situation. And because these gifts were coming from you personally (as opposed to, say, a holiday bonus coming from the company), you don’t need to warn people your practice will be changing.
‘My company gives terrible gifts.’
Every year, my company (with around 70 employees) picks out one corporate gift and sends it to all of us. Every year, it is terrible. One year they delivered hams to our homes, despite us having a fair number of vegetarians and Muslims on staff. One year they sent us all branded hoodies, which would have been fine except that they seem to have just guessed at people’s sizes (which is already weird, right?) and got them really wrong in a lot of cases. Mine would probably fit my toddler, but it doesn’t fit me. Another year they sent us all gift certificates for a restaurant that was far away from where most of us live. I’d rather receive nothing than these vaguely insulting gifts that seem to indicate no care went into picking them. Is it worth saying something, or is it rude to complain?
It’s rude to complain about a gift given in a social situation, but this is work, and the rules are different. Your leadership is sending gifts in the hope that it will increase staff morale and make people feel more connected to the company. If they’re failing at that (or, as is the case here, achieving the opposite), it’s useful for them to know.
So yes, if you have some political capital to spend, speak up to whoever coordinates the gifts! You’d be doing the company a favor, and you could probably find co-workers who would be willing to speak up with you. Start by acknowledging that it’s hard, if not impossible, to find a gift that 70 people will all love. Then let them know that they’ve been sending gifts that are unused by a disproportionate number of your staff and ask if they’d take feedback about what gifts would be most appreciated this year. (But if they don’t budge, please write back and share what they end up sending this year, because I am eager to know what they come up with next.)
‘My co-worker gives me a gift every year – should I be reciprocating?’
I work on a small team where everyone is pretty friendly. Usually for the holidays, my co-workers and I exchange cards or leave baked goods in the kitchen for people to share. But one of my co-workers gives me a gift every year. It’s nothing extravagant — a candle one year, a book she thought I’d like another, and so forth. But I’m feeling awkward that I’ve never reciprocated. Honestly, I’d prefer not to! I have a small gift-buying budget that I’d rather spend on my family, and I don’t want to encourage the expectation that we’ll all give each other gifts. But now that it’s clear she’s going to give me something every year, am I being rude by not returning the gesture?
Some people give gifts to co-workers, and some people don’t, and you don’t need to feel obligated to cross over to the gifting side if you don’t want to. It sounds like this has gone on for long enough for her to see the pattern and stop if she objects to being the only one offering a gift; she hasn’t, so I’d assume she simply derives joy from continuing to do it. A sincere “thank you” is all that’s required.
That said, if you feel awkward about not reciprocating with something, a card with a warm note inside is a good middle ground.
‘Is it appropriate to give my intern a gift?’
I have a graduate-level intern whose placement is required for her degree. She works directly with me. When I did required internships at both the B.A. and M.A. level, I received anything from small gift cards ($5 to $10) to the same holiday bonus as the full-time staff (a $100 check from the company). Is gifting to someone who is technically your “student” appropriate? I’m thinking about going the $5 to $10 Amazon, Starbucks, or Target gift-card route, but what are your thoughts?
A small gift card is a great gift if you make sure you know she likes the place it’s for. Every year I get letters from people who are mildly annoyed at receiving gift cards to restaurants that only exist two states away from where they live, or for coffee when they only drink tea, or other evidence that a gift was given without much personal thought.
Also, keep in mind that the $100 check you received was a bonus that came from the company, not from your manager personally. People don’t expect extravagant gifts from their managers, even if the company itself goes a more luxe route. And frankly, managers don’t need to give their staff gifts at all, though it’s a thoughtful gesture if you choose to.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com (and read our submission terms here.)
Related