Just Jeremy Allen White Smoking a Cig on the Beach

I don’t know how anyone is supposed to recover from this.

The USA’s birthday is fast approaching. To celebrate, I am overjoyed to offer you a flurry of images of a shirtless Jeremy Allen White smoking cigarettes on the beach. We already knew the star of The Bear is a good-time guy who’s especially adept at showing off in his Calvins. But this? This is next level. I don’t believe in God, but whoever’s up there, I thank you with all my heart for this little gift — or rather, large package.

On Wednesday, TMZ posted paparazzi photos of White taking a dip in the ocean during some time off in Malibu. The actor can be seen putting those hard-earned biceps to work in the waves and trudging out of the water Baywatch-style in cloud-blue short shorts. Later, he wrapped a multicolor towel around his waist, put a cap on his head, and lit up. As far as I can tell, White seemed to be alone, though I am concerned about the temperature of any random beachgoers in the vicinity. Did they burn up? Can we get a wellness check on them? Then again, I could just be projecting because I personally would be withering from a rising internal body heat if I were a voyeur in Malibu that day.

The land of the free and home of the brave certainly has its flaws, but it did give us a man like White, and for that, I express gratitude. Happy almost birthday, America, and God bless this swimmer.

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