‘How Much Should I Spend on a Wedding Gift?’

Weddings are more complicated and expensive than ever. So where does that leave wedding guests when it comes to selecting a heartfelt yet affordable gift for the happy (extremely stressed-out and possibly broke) couple? What are the rules around gifting when there are multiple wedding occasions (engagement party, bridal shower, wedding?). What about destination weddings? Elopements? We asked experts about your most hyperspecific wedding-gift conundrums; here’s what they said.

How much should I actually spend on a wedding gift? Has the expected amount gone up, like prices on everything?

The average amount wedding guests spend on a gift is surprisingly stable: $100 to $150, says Emily Forrest, the head of communications at Zola, a wedding-planning and gift-registry platform. “That number has remained consistent for years,” she adds, though lately it has ticked up closer to $150 — probably because the cost of most registry items (dishes, towels, sheets, kitchenware) has increased with inflation and tariffs.

So if you want to make sure you don’t look cheap, use that as your guideline. And no, you’re not alone in choosing a gift based on how much it costs. “The first thing most people do when they get to someone’s registry is sort by price,” says Forrest, citing data Zola has collected on users’ shopping behavior. “Then they look at all the gifts within the price they’re willing to spend — or feel they should spend — which is usually in that $100 to $150 range.”

Of course, the amount you should actually spend is up to you and your budget — if a gift really isn’t in the cards financially, it’s perfectly appropriate to write a thoughtful note, says Lizzie Post, co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast and co-author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, sixth edition. “The right amount is going to be different for every person,” she explains. “The year you’ve got ten weddings to attend, you might have a much lower ability to give gifts. And the year you only have one wedding and it’s your sister’s, you might decide to go much bigger.”

One thing you should not do, Post adds, is try to sniff out the cost of the wedding and calculate your gift’s price accordingly. “You should never know what it costs for you to attend someone’s wedding, and it should not be a factor in what you spend on the couple,” she says. “Instead, the most important factors are what you can afford and what you feel good about giving.”

I’m a bridesmaid, and I’m spending a bunch of money on my friend’s wedding already (for my dress, the bachelorette party, etc.). Am I still supposed to give a gift?

Technically, yes. “Etiquette would dictate that you should still give a gift,” says Forrest. “But I do think it is acceptable to spend less on the gift than you would normally if you’re already spending in other ways to be part of the wedding party.”

You can also split the cost of the wedding gift with the other bridesmaids, and it’s fair for different bridesmaids to pitch in different amounts, says Post. “With group gifts, try to get a sense fairly — and anonymously, as best you can — for how much people can afford to chip in,” she suggests. “You always want to be respectful of the person in the most disadvantaged position in that regard.” Then, once you get a sense of how big the collective pot is, you can buy the gift it will cover.

I already gave a gift at the bridal shower. Do I need to give another one at the wedding?

Also yes. But it doesn’t need to be big. “There’s typically a 20-20-60 standard, which is to spend 20 percent of your budget on an engagement gift, 20 percent for the wedding-shower gift, and 60 percent on the wedding gift,” says Forrest. That said, if you didn’t know this until now and already blew your gift budget at the bridal shower, remember: Whatever you can afford at the wedding is perfectly fine. (Just remember a nice note.)

I didn’t get a plus-one. Can I get the couple a less nice gift?

Sure, but don’t be petty about it. “I don’t think the expectation of the gift’s price should correlate with who is invited,” says Forrest. That said, if you’re attending solo, your gift budget may be lower, and that’s fine. “If you’re splitting the cost of a gift between two people, that could increase the amount you’re able to spend,” she continues. “But if you’re on your own, I do think it’s acceptable to spend less.”

The couple said “no gifts necessary,” but they did suggest contributing to the honeymoon fund. Do I need to do that? How much should I give? And do I still get a year to do it?

It’s normal for couples to prefer cash gifts, says Forrest, and you should spend whatever you would otherwise put toward a registry item (the typical cash-gift amount is within that $100-to-$150 range). Again, send a note too!

As for timing: Ideally, you should contribute cash before the wedding, especially since most couples take their honeymoons right after they get married. And the old rule about having a year to send a gift is outdated. “We’ve tightened that up,” says Post. “You really want to get your gift out within three months after the wedding, and that goes for the honey fund too. The yearlong grace period applied when things traveled much more slowly. Now, with shipping speeds being pretty prompt, three months is more appropriate.”

The couple said “no gifts.” Do they really mean it? (They did make a registry.)

This was me (us), at our wedding ten years ago. And we really did mean it when we said no gifts — we’d been living together (in a very small New York apartment) for years before we got married, and we didn’t need any more stuff. But then people started sending us gifts anyway — random things that we definitely didn’t want. So we made a registry as well as a list of charities where people could donate money on our behalf if they felt like it.

In short: If the couple says “no gifts,” you’re off the hook.

Everything on the registry that’s in my budget has already been purchased. What should I do?

PSA to all couples making gift registries: Include as many items in the $100–$150 range (or less) as possible, says Forrest. Otherwise, you may put your guests in the uncomfortable position of spending more than they can afford on a gift for you.

If you’re the guest in this scenario, going off-registry is risky. Perhaps you know the couple extremely well and feel incredibly confident that they will love the gift you picked out for them, in which case, Godspeed. But otherwise, you’re better off giving a cash gift (whatever you’ve budgeted) or a gift certificate to a restaurant or store you know they like. Alternatively, you could band together with a few other guests to buy a bigger gift that would otherwise be out of your price range.

It’s a destination wedding, and I’m spending a ton of money to get there. Do I still need to give a gift?

Yes, but it can be smaller. “For destination weddings, unless a couple specifies otherwise, a gift is still expected,” says Post. “But absolutely, your gift budget is going to be less. I don’t think couples would or should expect big gifts from anyone traveling a long distance to attend.”

My friend who’s getting married gave me a very generous gift for my wedding. Do I need to be just as generous to her?

No. Wedding gifts are not supposed to be tit for tat. “Ultimately, you should give what you want and what you can afford, not what you think someone else spent on you,” says Post.

My friend eloped. Do I need to send a gift?

Nope! But if you want to, they’d probably appreciate it — for someone without a registry, a gift certificate to a local restaurant or other date activity is always a nice idea, says Forrest. “But there’s no obligation.”

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