I caught my girlfriend having sex in the bar toilets with a guy she’d just met

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAUGHT my girlfriend having sex in the bar loos with a guy she had only just met. Should I even try to get over this or is she just a cheap slut?

I am 25 and my girlfriend is 24. We have been together for two years. I took her to Amsterdam recently for her birthday. We went to a bar the second evening and we were having a great time.

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My girlfriend said we should take it in turns to go to the toilet and if we went outside for a smoke, just in case we had our drinks spiked, which seemed to make sense.

We got into company later that evening with a table of young men. My girlfriend was very chatty with the guy who was sitting beside her. I went to the toilet and when I came back to our table said I was going outside for a cigarette.

While I was outside I looked back through the window at her. She saw me and looked annoyed so I walked out of sight for around five minutes. When I returned to the table, she had disappeared and so had the guy she had been talking to.

I was a bit suspicious so I went to the toilets – unisex – and started checking the cubicles. I was really quiet. I heard noises from inside one. It was just movements, no conversation or any other sounds.

Alamy

I waited about three minutes and then pulled the door handle. The door flew open and there was my girlfriend inside with the guy she’d been chatting to. He was up against the wall and she was in front of him.

She pulled her jeans up from both sides and panicked when she saw me. I swore at her and ran off in temper. She ran after me yelling and angry.

Now she is telling me she has no memory of that evening and has sworn to me she loves me and would not have done it if she’d been in her right mind.

I love her and I don’t know what to think.

DEIDRE SAYS: It was a devastating discovery. It sounds as if the trigger was too much alcohol but that is no excuse.

She is very much in the wrong but if she has never given you a reason to doubt her in the past it is possible you can rebuild the trust.

It won’t be easy but, if you decide to forgive her, you have to draw a line under what happened and move on. If you don’t the alternative is endless rows and suspicion.

Tell your girlfriend that for you to stay together she has to own how much she hurt you and be truly sorry.

My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It can help you save your relationship if that’s what you decide is best.

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