How to cope with being ghosted by friends or dates — from those missed calls to invitations out
THINK ghosting sounds spooky? Well, it’s downright terrifying. The term is used to describe a bloke who you have been dating completely disappearing, with him giving you no explanation of his whereabouts or life. But now the phrase has made its way into every aspect of our lives. You may be the victim of a […]
THINK ghosting sounds spooky? Well, it’s downright terrifying.
The term is used to describe a bloke who you have been dating completely disappearing, with him giving you no explanation of his whereabouts or life. But now the phrase has made its way into every aspect of our lives.
You may be the victim of a friend who has slowly been inching their way out of existence or a colleague who is spookily silent.
If you are struggling to cope with the phenomenon, TV psychologist Emma Kenny is here to help – whoever is haunting you.
Dates
HOW DO YOU KNOW? You were getting on great with that new guy. But suddenly your messages are being ignored, an invitation to a follow-up date was never made and now all communication has stopped.
WHAT TO DO: Chances are you have been dumped, but because nothing was ever official he doesn’t feel any responsibility to discuss his decision with you.
What is most annoying is he probably thinks that the door is still open. After all, he hasn’t directly told you that you are history. So don’t be surprised if you get a text three months down the line.
If you have been ghosted in this way, pen a polite text saying goodbye then block him on all social media and mobile devices, because if you accept that kind of a relationship you will never find the one you actually deserve.
Friends
HOW DO YOU KNOW? Your pal used to text all the time, you were constantly chatting on the phone and had regular meet-ups.
Things have cooled in the extreme and your offers to meet up have been ignored.
WHAT TO DO: You may think you are being ghosted, but the likelihood is that she is struggling to divide her time.
While you may feel she no longer wants you, the chances are this is more to do with the initial intensity of a new relationship or job.
The No1 reason for ghosting is the desire to avoid conflict, and because she loves you and knows you will feel a level of hurt at her abandonment, she simply avoids communication full stop.
Be patient because the likelihood is that the moment her honeymoon period with the new man ends, she will be cracking open the Prosecco, while moaning about his hideous snoring.
Family members
HOW DO YOU KNOW? Your cousin or aunt was extremely close to you – then things quietened down. Now you haven’t made the cut for an evening invite to her wedding.
WHAT TO DO? This is a case of them putting personal priorities over personal relationships.
Getting ghosted over impending weddings is one of the most common practices.
The moment that wedding list is created, the culling commences.
Confronting the issue is better than ignoring it. Offer to chip in for your meal.
This will mean she appreciates your support and will know you understand the difficulties – and expense – of dealing with a wedding.
If she rejects that solution then stay polite but don’t waste your time fretting about a one-sided relationship.
Colleagues
HOW DO YOU KNOW: You used to have a good workplace relationship and be friends. Now they have been promoted and sidelined you.
WHAT TO DO: This is poor decision-making by them. They have found themselves in a position of superiority and need to create professional boundaries, but this should not be at a cost to your relationship.
Your friend has been on the inner circle of your feelings towards your workplace and may know any less-than-positive attitudes you hold toward managers. The likelihood is that, now they hold a similar position, they may have personalised these feelings.
Tell them how happy you are about their success and you miss them professionally and personally.
By expressing the value they have in your life, you will lessen any tension.
Job interview
HOW DO YOU KNOW? The job interview goes like a dream and you leave after being informed you are an excellent fit for the opening. But weeks later you are still checking your emails to no avail.
WHAT TO DO: Research shows that while you may have blown the interview out of the water and left having made a great impression, it doesn’t always translate into being offered the job.
Asking for some feedback puts you back in control and lets the company know that you can take constructive criticism.
This makes you more attractive should another position arise there, and hopefully means your interviewer will keep you in mind for new openings.
Try not to personalise this rejection. You may have been brilliant, but it’s just another candidate was a little more so.
Personal trainer
HOW DO YOU KNOW? You have been building a great relationship but had to cancel a few sessions. Now you have spare time, they are ignoring your calls.
WHAT TO DO: Your trainer is paid to make you feel good and that translates as an authentic relationship.
Sadly, the true depth of your connection may only scratch the surface and the chances are you will be dropped without a second’s thought.
The big lesson here is about how you invest in relationships.
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Your personal trainer isn’t there to build anything other than your muscle mass and, if you want more, then you are looking in the wrong place.
If you want friendship, the most obvious rule is that it shouldn’t involve a financial transaction.
Keeping professional boundaries means you won’t feel sad if things end.
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