I feel guilty I couldn’t help my dying dad because I had just given birth

DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE my dad was seriously ill and needed help before he died, I was coping with a new baby. I feel so guilty for letting him down. I am 25. My father had all kinds of awful symptoms. He was an alcoholic and the worse his illness got, the more he drank. He […]

DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE my dad was seriously ill and needed help before he died, I was coping with a new baby. I feel so guilty for letting him down.

I am 25. My father had all kinds of awful symptoms. He was an alcoholic and the worse his illness got, the more he drank.

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He became very depressed, sitting in his dressing gown all day and refusing to eat. I knew it wouldn’t be long before he gave up completely.

But all I could think about was my pregnancy. Now I feel angry his doctor did not do more and that I did not take more care of him.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are not to blame.

Expectant and new mothers are programmed to focus their energy on the baby, whose needs must come first. Alcoholism is a grim disease but chances are he would have taken little notice of any efforts you made.

I expect his doctor tried to help.

You must have suffered as a result of his drinking when you were younger.

Find understanding through the National Association for the Children of Alcoholics (nacoa.org.uk, 0800 358 3456).

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