Two women on the ups and downs of moving back in with their mum, as former Spice Girl Mel B plans to do
MOVING out of home and into adulthood for the first time is always emotional. But for some, this departure is not the last time they will enjoy the home comforts of living with their parents. Last month ex-Spice Girl Mel B revealed she was relocating from LA to Leeds to move back in with her […]
MOVING out of home and into adulthood for the first time is always emotional.
But for some, this departure is not the last time they will enjoy the home comforts of living with their parents.
Last month ex-Spice Girl Mel B revealed she was relocating from LA to Leeds to move back in with her mum Andrea following her bitter divorce.
The 44-year-old said: “My mum is there and she helps me with cooking and cleaning – it reminds me of when I was back home when I was younger.”
Mel is just one example of a trend that is seeing more women in the UK with children of their own move back in with their parents following a break-up.
Here, JENNY FRANCIS meets two mums who have done just that and ask, does it really work?
‘The relief I felt when we got there was amazing’
MUM-of-three Sarah-Victoria Bayley, 36, was married for four years when her husband walked out on her and her three children Aaliyah, 14, Emmany, 11, and Xander, five.
The former office worker now full-time-mum from Bishopton, Renfrewshire, moved back in with her mum Jane Carchrie, 59, a call centre manager, and stepdad Chris Carchrie, 39, a carer, after finding herself unable to afford rent and bills on her own.
Despite worrying it would be a nightmare living situation, three years on she still lives at home with all her family.
Sarah-Victoria says: I HAD one failed marriage, one failed relationship and two children when I met my ex in a Glasgow nightclub in June 2011. It was instant love and he proposed six months later.
We married in 2012, and, because of his job, we moved to Lilliesleaf, a small village near Selkirk, three hours away.
It was the first time I’d lived a long distance from my mum and we spoke daily. Xander was born in 2014 and our family was complete.
We lived happily for two years until, in May 2016, my ex told me he didn’t love me any more and the marriage was over.
He left that night. I didn’t see it coming and suddenly felt miles from home on my own with bills to pay and no money to pay it with.
‘Terrified and didn’t know where to run’
I was terrified and didn’t know where to turn.
I called my mum in tears and asked for advice and within seconds she said: “Come home, darling.”
At first I thought there was no way I could move back home with three children. But the more I tried to cope on my own, racking up debt, the more I realised it was my only option.
In October 2016, my three kids and I packed up our lives and moved back to my mum’s two-bed house and into my old bedroom.
Xander was still in his cot and we set up two sets of bunk beds.
It was a tight squeeze but the relief I felt from the moment we got there was amazing.
Mum immediately took us under her wing. She spent her evenings supporting me through my divorce and her days spoiling the kids and making it a nice home for them.
I couldn’t believe I’d worried about it so much. Three months later, Mum told me she’d found a four-bed house nearby for us all to move to. I was shocked – I assumed she would want us out within a few months but instead she’d been making plans to find somewhere bigger. I jumped at the chance and we moved in a few weeks later.
I contribute half of the rent.
‘Pals think it’s weird’
Mum and Chris have a room, I have a room, my eldest Aaliyah has a room and the two youngest share.
The last three years have been amazing. We share cleaning and cooking, school runs and homework sessions, the kids have their own chore list and we live as one big happy family. When I first moved home the kids were misbehaving because of the divorce, but having a support network of adults around them has seen them do amazingly at school.
I’m not dating and wouldn’t bring a guy home because Mum would talk his ear off. My friends think it’s weird and admit they couldn’t do it.
There are times I think it might be nice to have my own place but then I think how happy I am and realise nothing beats this.
JANE says: “When Sarah called me in tears, it just felt natural as a mum to tell her to come home.
“I missed her and the kids and knew I could help her cope with the aftermath of the marriage break- down. Having her and the kids makes me feel young and useful. I’m happier and so is Chris.
“It’s given me a new purpose in life – saves us money and everyone is happy. Some of my friends think it’s mad that I have such a full house when they are enjoying an empty nest, but for me this is living.”
‘We’re a bit cramped’
MUM-of-one Emma Copeland, 37, a PR executive, moved back in with her mum April Copeland, 60, a waitress, and dad Derek, 60, an electrician after her 17-year relationship ended in January .
Emma, who lives in Croydon, South London, with four-year-old son Lucas, admits it has not been an easy ride and both she and her mum are feeling the strain of being back under one roof.
Emma says: I SPLIT with my ex in January and although we had a son and built a life together, I wasn’t married so legally wasn’t entitled to anything.
He paid six months’ rent initially while I looked for work, but then it was all down to me.
In July I started looking at properties and a two-bed home near work cost around £1,200 to £1,500 a month. My new salary couldn’t cover that and it hit home that I was in financial trouble.
I accrued some small debts as a single mum and started to toy with the idea of moving into a flat share with strangers, but knew that I’d never cope with that. In July I sort of told my parents I was moving back home. They seemed a bit surprised but agreed I’d pay £300 to cover bills and rent.
We took over two rooms at the top of the house that were previously filled with junk – a bedroom for me and Lucas and a small sofa room with a TV. It was weird going back to my teenage bedroom and sharing it with my son.
I also don’t get on very well with my mum. We love each other but have very different approaches to life. We argued from day one. I paid
£300 for a deep clean of the house as I thought it would be good to start on a clean slate, but Mum was furious as I then couldn’t pay her rent and she hated the idea of having strangers cleaning the house.
We didn’t speak for two days. We argue about the cleaning all the time and she loves silence while I love noise.
Every time Lucas makes a noise or drops something she jumps. I know she finds me equally irritating.
‘Still adjusting’
Three months on I’m still adjusting.
This was supposed to be temporary but I can’t see a way out of it unless I get a pay rise. I’m still working on a settlement with my ex but dream of moving out and getting a place of my own – and I’m sure Mum dreams of me doing so too.
APRIL says: “Derek and I have had our three-bed semi for 21 years.
“Emma had made hints about moving back home after her relationship ended but eventually asked me outright and I said OK. The problems started before she moved in when she wanted two rooms – not one.
“Before I knew what was happening Emma had decorated both rooms. I asked for rent as Lucas has a bath every day, then there is the heating, hot water, television. We need it to just break even, not make a profit.
“The first few weeks were very difficult. Any split takes its toll and Emma had been through the mill. The only problem was she took it out on me.
“We had been used to an empty nest for nearly 15 years and hadn’t anticipated the noise.
“Emma is up at 7am and bangs about getting herself and Lucas ready.
‘We’re a bit cramped’
“I like to lie in until 8am but that isn’t possible any more.
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“I’ve been roped into doing the school pick-up three days a week because she said, ‘What else would you be doing?’ We are a bit cramped and crowded too.
“I do love having my grandson around and would rather have my daughter here, safe.
“But it is tough when you have been used to the quiet life to suddenly have a full house again.”
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