My mum ruined Christmas by constantly saying hurtful things about me

DEAR DEIDRE:  I LOVE my mother but she absolutely ruined Christmas Day for me. My mum is 55 and is very strong-minded and opinionated. I am 31 but I often have to bite my lip at the hurtful things she says and does. She has a good relationship with my seven-year-old son and five-year-old daughter, […]

DEAR DEIDRE:  I LOVE my mother but she absolutely ruined Christmas Day for me.

My mum is 55 and is very strong-minded and opinionated. I am 31 but I often have to bite my lip at the hurtful things she says and does.

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She has a good relationship with my seven-year-old son and five-year-old daughter, but it does not extend to me.

My brother invited us all to his house for Christmas Day and my sister-in-law asked me to help her with the cooking.

My mother stood watching me, constantly and angrily criticising everything I did.

I tried to say how unreasonable she was being but she just carried on.

It made everyone feel very awkward for the rest of the day.

She has stopped speaking to me since then and just talks to the children when we visit – very childish.

I would like a relationship with her but a more respectful one.

Nobody can have a conversation with her as she does not listen to anyone else’s view.

DEIDRE SAYS: How sad for you. Maybe her relationship with you is reproducing her relationship with her own mother? But that doesn’t make it less hurtful.

Plus, it is not good for your children to see their gran bullying their mother.

You cannot change your mother but you can change how you react to her.

My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help you.

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