I fell for my jailbird man by writing to him inside – now we’re married and I stay over in prison at weekends
NINA Hoffler was instantly attracted to Michael when she met him 14 years ago. But just months later, Michael was banged up for armed robbery hundreds of miles away, with his lengthy 23-year jail sentence leaving Nina devastated. The personal trainer, from Phoenix, Arizona, promised to write to Michael and love blossomed from behind bars, […]
NINA Hoffler was instantly attracted to Michael when she met him 14 years ago.
But just months later, Michael was banged up for armed robbery hundreds of miles away, with his lengthy 23-year jail sentence leaving Nina devastated.
The personal trainer, from Phoenix, Arizona, promised to write to Michael and love blossomed from behind bars, but their unusual long-distance relationship hasn’t been without it difficulties.
Speaking exclusively to Fabulous Digital, Nina, now 30, said: “We met through two friends before a party, when I was 16 and he was 17. I was still in high school.
“Right away I was attracted to him. He said he was going away for a little bit and, without even skipping a beat, I said I would write to him. I knew he meant jail.
“We started writing to each other every day. It took them nearly a year to sentence him, by then we were invested in each other and it was hard to pull away.
“I told him I would always be there for him, we had developed such a friendship by then.”
When Nina met Michael, now 31, he was facing an assault charge for a fight and expecting to get around five years in jail.
But while waiting for his trial, he took part in an armed robbery in California, a much more serious crime which led to his two-decade sentence.
Nina said: “I was so heartbroken because I had really started to love him. He was only 17 so we didn’t expect them to throw the book at him.
“I did the maths in my head and realised I would be 38 years old by the time he came out of prison, if he served the whole time.
“It was really hard, I was shocked. Obviously what he did was wrong, but I still thought it was very excessive.”
I was heartbroken. I did the maths in my head and realised I would be 38 years old by the time he came out of prison
Nina Hoffler
When Michael was put behind bars, he and Nina were still just good friends – although they had admitted they fancied each other.
Nina said: “Because I was only 16, I couldn’t visit Michael without an adult. And he was jailed in California, a 14-hour car drive away.
“The first time I ‘visited’ him in prison was on a video screen when I was 18. They later moved him to another jail, but he was still nine hours away.
“I didn’t actually physically touch him until November 10 2012, when I was 22 and he was 23. But we were always writing to each other.
“He’s still in California, but right now he’s in a prison just over the border, so fortunately it’s only two hours away from my house.”
Nina tried to fight her feelings for Michael and dated other guys between the ages of 18 and 22.
She said: “Although we had already expressed how we felt about each other and there was a connection, I was still very young.
“I was honest with him and said my life had to continue. I did date but found it hard to fully commit. In the back of my mind, I knew I still had feelings for Michael.
“He was my best friend so I told him everything about my relationships. I probably shared too much over the years.”
I was still reserved about our relationship, I was worried about what other people would think
Nina Hoffler
Nina finally committed to Michael aged 23, just months after their first prison meeting.
She said: “I didn’t tell anyone about Michael. One of my best friends who was there when I met him knew I was writing to him and my mother was aware.
“She was a little bit concerned. When Michael was 18, they moved him to Pelican Bay state prison, which is one of the worst prisons in America, so she was like ‘what did he do?’
“She was always understanding though, she knew something was going to come of this because we never stopped writing to each other.
“We had our first kiss when I visited him in November 2012. I was so nervous and anxious, I almost had a panic attack.
“The visiting room is a bit like a canteen with lots of coffee tables. I remember sitting there and waiting, then Michael came out with the biggest smile on his face and I just melted.
“I couldn’t believe how much of a man he looked like now. He was bigger, he’d obviously been working out and looked so beautiful.
“He hugged me and I didn’t even realise he was going to kiss me like he did, but it was incredible.
“I’d been wondering what that would be like for six years. It was awesome, a great day.
“I was still reserved about our relationship, I was worried about what other people would think, but Michael understood that.”
In 2013, the couple got in trouble for “excessive physical contact” – and Michael was banned from having visitors or phone calls for six months.
The stress caused the couple to split and Nina starting dating someone else, with whom she had a nine month relationship, before reuniting with Michael at 25.
She said: “I had told him it wasn’t working for me, but now I was ready to commit to him and tell everyone I was with him. I didn’t want to keep it to myself anymore.
“I was still young, but I realised I couldn’t keep coming in and out of his life.
“We were best friends first and foremost, but it turned into love. On his 27th birthday, I told him I wanted to commit. He proposed to me six months later, on June 4, 2016.
“The proposal was so crazy, I couldn’t believe he pulled it off.
“I was wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants, I had my hair up in a bun, trainers on, no make-up – I just wanted to hang out with him.
“I did not expect him to propose to me that day, I would have worn something much cuter.
“I noticed he was awkwardly nervous that day. He kept saying how much he loved me and appreciated me being there for him, at this point it had been ten years since he got arrested in 2006.
“At the end of the visit, we went to take our picture but he put me on his right-hand side.
“I said ‘I can’t be on this side, I want to be on my good side’ and he spun me around and put me on the other side.
“When I turned around, he had got down on one knee and had a ring.
“I started freaking out, I couldn’t believe it. The ring was so big and beautiful. I just kept kissing him and hugging him.”
We will face challenges when we live together, but Michael has shared a very small space with a grown man for a long time, so I know he’s looking forward to sharing with the woman he loves instead
Nina Hoffler
The couple got married on January 6 2017, in front of Michael’s friend from prison, his sister, both their mums and a celebrant.
Nina said: “Even before he proposed, I started sharing pictures from our visits on my Facebook and Instagram.
“I remember telling him the first time I’d posted a picture and I could literally hear him smiling on the phone.
“He said ‘you know how much that means to me, it makes me feel good you don’t want to hide anymore’.
“It was a really big change for us, I knew I’d always wanted to be with him but I was worried about what my friends and family would think.
“I do feel like people judged, but they didn’t say much.
“The a**hole comments come from the internet trolls, they say ‘he’s a loser, she’s brainwashed’, but they don’t know all the details.
“People understand when I explain our story. I’m really lucky I have support from both of our families, everyone else is secondary.”
Nina and Michael had to wait five months after marrying for the first conjugal visit, on May 4, allowing them to spend the night together for the first time.
She said: “It was amazing. It’s a small two-bedroom apartment with a bathroom, microwave, toaster, oven, fridge, little living room, dining room and TV hung on the wall.
“We’d talked about this moment for 10 years, it was really overwhelming. Michael walked into the house and locked the door, that was something he hadn’t done in a long time.
“We just smiled and started laughing like ‘did they really just let us in here?’ We grabbed each other and kissed and didn’t let go for hours.
“It was amazing, beautiful. Now we have a family visit every two to three months, we just passed our three-year wedding anniversary. We are there for 48 hours so we can see how we would live with each other.
“We do normal things like cooking food together, watching TV, making the bed, cleaning up after each other.
“I just stay inside because when you are in the front garden you are in the middle of the prison. When you’re inside the house, you don’t feel like you’re in prison.
“They do head counts for the prisoners all through the night – at 4pm, 9pm, midnight, 2am and 4am. He has to go outside for that, but I don’t.”
Since Michael’s conviction, a new law was introduced, in 2014, which allows youth offenders to stand in front of a parole board after 15 years in jail.
Nina said: “Now he’s in his 15th year, we are just waiting to find out when his youth offender parole hearing is.
“It will be like a regular parole hearing, but they will give weight to the fact he was a minor when he committed the crime. We are very optimistic about him getting a grant.
“The prison recently recognised him as someone who has exceptional behaviour, which is another way he could get out of prison early as he received a 1170(d) recall sentence.
“We are waiting for the California Department of Corrections to file a report on him. But we feel like they are dragging their feet as it’s so close to his hearing.
“When I call to see what’s going on, they have no sense of urgency. It’s really unfortunate, he could get out next week if they made a move on it.”
Nina accepts it will be “challenging” adjusting to life on the outside as a couple, but says they’re already preparing for the future.
She said: “We will face challenges when we live together, but Michael has shared a very small space with a grown man for a long time, so I know he’s looking forward to sharing with the woman he loves instead.
“He’s very eager to work when he comes home, I’ve got a recommendation for him to work as a firefighter here in Arizona and he graduates from college this year.
“We are very grateful for all the time we’re going to have together. People take things like being able to make breakfast or working out together for granted. The new experiences are going to make me so happy.
Most read in Fabulous
“We would be naïve not to think there won’t be challenges, with his re-adapting back to civilian life and everything, but we have already supported each other through so many things.
“I can’t wait to plan our life together.”
You can follow Nina on Instagram here and on YouTube here.
We previously spoke to a woman who was engaged and pregnant with twins within three months of meeting her man.