In the times of coronavirus, we need a sensible Leader of the Opposition to ask difficult questions
THESE are pretty grim times. For those of you who say this virus is nothing out of the ordinary, a big fuss about nothing – how often do we have a Prime Minister in intensive care?
We all wish Boris a swift recovery. The country needs a strong leader at a time like this and Boris has proved, in three short months, he is that leader.
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There have been calls for a national unity government. All the parties coming together to see us through this crisis. It’s happened before, of course — most famously during World War Two, when we had a coalition government led by Boris’s hero, Sir Winston Churchill. We had one during the Napoleonic Wars back in 1806, too, when that short French tosser was causing havoc in Europe.
But do we need one now?
I think not. The only reason people are raising the issue now is because the Labour Party at last has a leader who isn’t actually certifiable.
Nobody would seriously think that giving power to an oaf like Jeremy Corbyn would help us through this crisis.
But there are plenty of other reasons to object. First of all, we kind of already have a unity government.
The Conservatives have a whopping 80-seat majority. In the last opinion poll Boris had 93 per cent of the country behind him, thinking he was doing a good job. That’s about as close to unanimous as you will ever get in a democracy. The Government, then, has a free hand.
Perhaps if this virus had struck back in October last year, there might have been a point. Then we had a paralysed government with no working majority.
Battling this virus would have been nigh on impossible in such a position. But the December General Election changed all that.
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But then there’s this. Unity governments are usually convened when we are threatened by a foreign power — as happened in World Wars One and Two and indeed the Napoleonic Wars. There have been brief exceptions.
But by and large we have a unity government to show the foreign power that the whole country is united. The virus isn’t a foreign power. It is an insentient microscopic parasite. It doesn’t give a monkey’s who is running the country.
But the most important objection is this. We are a democracy. And democracy is no less important during times of crisis than at other times. And we need a competent opposition to hold the Government to account. Boris and co haven’t done a bad job, so far. But there are plenty of questions that could be asked. Did the Government react too slowly? Why do our frontline medical staff not have adequate protection against the virus? Why did we allow planes to land from China, back in March, when the danger was apparent.
OK, you may think some of those questions unfair. And asked with the benefit of hindsight. But it is the job of the Opposition to ask difficult questions, to challenge policies and highlight incompetency.
I would argue that is more vital now than at any time in the last 20 years.
Labour’s new leader, Sir Keir Starmer, pictured, appears to be a sensible bloke.
He is generally behind the Government in its fight against this pandemic.
But he must be allowed to question, in public, the Government’s policies.
We are no less unified when difficult questions are asked of politicians.
The more those difficult questions are asked, the quicker this virus will be beaten.
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Labour life
LIFE will never be the same again. No, I’m not talking about this wretched virus for once.
The Labour Party has got rid of almost all of its nutters from positions of influence.
Diane Abbott has gone. John McDonnell has gone.
So has the former chairman, the godawful Geordie Ian Lavery.
Corbyn himself will be gone very soon.
What are we going to do for a laugh without these clowns spouting rubbish all day long?
Luckily — thank the Lord! — the genuinely berserk David Lammy has been installed as Shadow Justice Secretary.
It’s up to you, now David, you dingbat. Keep us chuckling during these dark days.
Who’s talking sense?
DONALD Trump has turned his guns on the World Health Organisation.
He’s threatened to cut off its funding. He reckons the WHO has handled the virus pandemic very badly.
The WHO told Trump he was wrong to ban flights from China at the start of the outbreak because it “wasn’t necessary”.
He said: “The WHO receives vast amounts of money from the United States and we pay for a majority, the biggest portion of their money, and they actually criticised and disagreed with my travel ban at the time I did it.
“And they were wrong. They’ve been wrong about a lot of things.”
He may look like a morbidly obese Belisha beacon in a badly fitting wig.
He may sometimes talk out of his a***hole. He may have the diplomatic abilities of a semi-housetrained wolverine.
But he may well be dead right on this.
Lockdown upside
SOME experts reckon we could be in a state of lockdown until well into autumn.
That sounds pretty grim. But there is a silver lining.
It means that tour by Genesis might have to be called off.
Flour bandits
WHO’S nicked all the flour, then? Can’t find the stuff anywhere.
It’s as if people thought: “Uh oh. Armageddon’s coming. Better make a really nice cake. Maybe a coffee one with walnuts, or something. Or a Swiss roll.” I suppose stockpiling flour is more sensible than stockpiling bog rolls. People seem to have given up on that now. Crisps, though, are selling out really quickly.
As I mentioned last week, that’s because most sensible people are sitting on their sofas watching Netflix. And you need a snack if you’re doing that for 17 hours a day.
Plus copious quantities of alcohol. One serious point – round my way, it’s impossible to get a click and collect slot for any of the supermarkets.
And it’s been that way for two weeks. I know these are difficult times.
And I’m pleased the supermarkets are giving priority to vulnerable customers. But would it tax them too much to take on a few extra drivers?
Kit’s not on, Khan
LONDON Mayor Sadiq Khan reckons that bus and Tube drivers in the capital don’t need protection kits to keep them safe from the virus.
With every day that passes, this looks more and more dangerously wrong.
There is growing evidence that the virus is more severe if you catch it from multiple sources. That explains the tragedy of young doctors and nurses dying.
And also London bus drivers – nine have died so far.
All the people selflessly working in frontline jobs where they meet thousands of people deserve proper protection.
These PPE kits cost less than 70 quid per person. Not much to ask, is it?
Middlesbrough of the way
I SEE that my home town is in the news.
Middlesbrough has been named the place in the UK where people are least likely to obey social distancing directives.
This is almost certainly because they think that if the virus comes anywhere near them, they’ll kick its f***ing head in.
“Come near me, you radged microscopic t**t, and I’ll give you a split lip.”
State my hamster
JUST seen a report that says our pets don’t know what the hell is going on.
They don’t know why we’re home all the time. And they don’t get why we’re so stressy.
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I tried to explain to my daughter’s hamster, Alastair, what the problem was.
“It’s the coronavirus,” I told it. “We’re all a bit worried.”
It looked at me levelly for a moment and said: “Well stop Chinese people eating small mammals, then,” before crapping on my hand and going back to run around on its stupid wheel.
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