My partner walked out on me before lockdown so I had a raunchy one-night stand
DEAR DEIDRE: I WENT off the rails when my partner walked out and I had a one-night stand. It was the boost I needed at the time but now I’m worried my partner will want revenge. The day before lockdown began he told me he couldn’t stand the idea of us being shut in […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I WENT off the rails when my partner walked out and I had a one-night stand.
It was the boost I needed at the time but now I’m worried my partner will want revenge.
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The day before lockdown began he told me he couldn’t stand the idea of us being shut in together and he was leaving. I am 28 and he’s 30. We had been arguing but I never thought he’d leave me. I begged him to stay but he would not be persuaded.
He went to stay with his parents. I didn’t cope well and had awful panic attacks. I started drinking a bottle of wine a night to numb the pain inside. I kept going over his words in my head. He said he didn’t love me, didn’t want me, and that I needed to come to terms with that.
Then I was furloughed from work, so I was on my own in the flat and it drove me crazy. I only saw people when I went to the supermarket and I relied on talking to friends online.
I joined a dating site to cheer myself up and hooked up with a guy locally. He was 35, seemed genuine and I said yes when he asked if he could come round one night so we could meet properly.
He said he’d make sure no one saw him arriving. I know it was wrong but he was an OK guy. He turned up with a bottle of prosecco and I had done snacks. We chatted and ended up having sex. It felt great in the moment but as soon as we’d said goodbye and he left, I burst into tears. I blocked him after that.
My ex got in touch a month later and said he’d changed his mind and he was coming home as soon as possible. I cannot describe how overjoyed I felt. We both cried and I told him everything. He was shocked that I could do that.
I am scared he now believes I don’t love him the way I know I do. I worry that he might go for revenge or worse still, walk away for good. I am ashamed and embarrassed, and I wish now I’d not shared what I did.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You took a terrible risk when you had that one-night stand. That guy might have turned out to be dangerous – or to have passed on coronavirus – but you were at a very low point.
Your partner had told you your relationship was definitely over and he no longer loved you. Say you regret that night but be firm that he had dumped you and so it wasn’t that you were cheating on him.
He has to take his share of responsibility for the rupture in your relationship. Pledge together now to make your relationship more loving and stronger than ever and you can succeed.
My e-leaflet on Looking After Your Relationship can help.
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