I want to have sex with a girl I like but I have trouble keeping an erection

DEAR DEIDRE I HAVE met a girl I really like. We are not yet there sexually but I’m worried I will perform badly the first time and she will get cold feet about us.

I am 20 and I had sex for the first time when I was 16. I have only done it half a dozen times since, with three different girls. My problem is I have never climaxed during an encounter.

Alamy

The last girl I met on a dating site. I was nervous and had trouble getting and keeping an erection.

I am in a good place, have my own flat and a great job. I want things to work out with my girlfriend but I am going to feel awkward because of my inexperience. She is 21.

DEIDRE SAYS: Do not rush to have sex.

It sounds as though your past experiences felt very pressured so you could not respond fully sexually.

Build up to having sex gradually so you are comfortable together and can communicate what feels good. That way, too, you are more likely genuinely to care for
one another so she won’t judge you on performance alone.

My e-leaflet on Solving Erection Problems explains self-help tactics – some you can start practising now.

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