I’m having secret sex with my ex since lockdown even though I met a new woman
DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I am seeing somebody, I have been having secret sex with my ex-girlfriend in lockdown.
We split up recently because I was convinced she had been cheating on me. She was very secretive with her phone and I knew there was a new guy who had joined her workplace before lockdown.
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She seemed obsessed with him. She’s 37.
When I asked her why she’d become so protective of her phone and if she was seeing somebody, she denied everything and said she’d been planning my 40th birthday, which is in October.
A row broke out. She said I had trust issues but I ended it with her anyway.
An old friend heard I was now single and messaged me. She’s 41 and I’ve known her since our schooldays.
I started chatting and flirting with her online.
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We got together for a couple of secret meetings and we had fantastic sex.
She asked me whether we could be a proper couple when lockdown is over and I agreed.
The complication is that my ex and I share a labradoodle dog and I have been going to see him once a fortnight.
It was against the lockdown rules and I never intended to break them but things often get a bit passionate with my ex and we end up having sex. It’s happened three times so far.
I’m getting closer to this new woman, though, and feel guilty. I want to stop the sex with my ex.
But when I visit my ex, we can’t go out to the pub like we used to, so instead we walk the dog and end up back at her place — then under the covers.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You know it will end badly if you are effectively playing one of these women off against the other.
Plus you are breaking the lockdown rules. All in all, it is clear you should call time on sex with your ex.
You can still walk your dog but do so on your own. Arrange a time to collect him and tell your ex you are going to do everything by the book from now on.
Don’t be tempted to go indoors at hers and pick up where you left off the last time.
You ended this relationship but you are keeping her dangling on a string by still having sex with her.
How can she ever move on from this? Could she have been telling the truth about your 40th birthday?
Tell your new lover you are risking a fine by meeting in secret like this.
You will either have to form a bubble together or stop getting physically close until lockdown is eased further.
That would give you some time to think about which person is right for you and whether you have a future with either of them – or, perhaps, not with either of them.
My e-leaflet Torn Between Two Women? will help you decide.
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