We must get on with life to kickstart the economy and accept risk is part of that
I GOT a Senior Citizens Railcard on my birthday this year. A present from the missus, who knows I like trains. And also to remind me just how old and decrepit I am. It arrived three days after lockdown started. Hasn’t been used once and isn’t likely to be used any time soon. I’m at […]
I GOT a Senior Citizens Railcard on my birthday this year. A present from the missus, who knows I like trains.
And also to remind me just how old and decrepit I am.
It arrived three days after lockdown started. Hasn’t been used once and isn’t likely to be used any time soon.
I’m at the much milder end of the list of people who are likely to suffer most from this annoying virus.
The stats say that as a smoker — a heavy smoker — I’m much, much less likely to catch the thing. But if I do I might well cop it good and proper.
So what I’ll do is limit the amount of times I go out, keep well apart from other people and stay away from crowded places.
That seems to me kind of sensible. It’s about recognising risk and behaving appropriately.
It doesn’t mean I will brick myself into my office and receive food through a hatch in the door.
Although that seems quite a pleasant idea.
I reckon almost everybody thinks the same. They know exactly what the risk is to them and to other people.
Younger people crowd together in bars or on the beach because they know the risk to them from Covid is slight, bordering on non-existent.
Much older people will stay the hell away from all crowded places and continue to self-isolate.
‘WE ARE NOT MORONS’
They know that if the virus comes knocking, it will probably be in a long black cloak with a scythe in its hand.
Almost everybody who has died from this disease has been either very old or has some underlying condition, such as diabetes.
Not actually everybody — just nearly everybody. It is impossible to eradicate ALL risk. To a degree, we take our chances.
But the Government, which doesn’t know what it is doing, treats us like children. Treats us as if we weren’t aware of the relative risks.
They were thinking of sending letters out to old people telling them to stay indoors and away from humanity. Why?
There cannot be a single person in the country who doesn’t understand the threat posed by Covid — and how it applies to them.
We are not morons. (And those who are will be no great loss, frankly).
The vast majority of us appreciate the need to wear a mask and keep our distance, for example.
Listen — I had no problem with lockdown, except that the Government was late in applying it.
INFLATED SALARIES
And it was appallingly lax in not closing our borders.
But now we need to get back to work. And the Government’s flip-flopping between lockdown and partial lockdown is hampering us.
It needs to accept that we are adults. It needs to accept that there will be a risk.
But it also needs to let us get on with our lives.
The teachers should be back full-time. There isn’t a single case in the world of a child infecting a teacher with Covid.
The kids should have full school timetables, with social distancing minimised. They should not be wearing masks.
The risk in classrooms is minimal.
The civil servants should all be back at their desks on their inflated salaries. To set an example.
Companies should be back up and running — but with maybe vulnerable employees still allowed to work from home.
Do that and we will kickstart the economy. Keep treating us as if we had the IQs of fungi and we will stagnate and flounder.
Led by lunatics
SO let me get this straight. The Government has launched its anti-obesity strategy. This involves banning buy one, get one free deals.
These deals are, of course, subsidised by the very rich multinational companies that make our food.
But at the same time the Government has also launched Eat Out To Help Out.
This involves taxpayers subsidising those same very rich companies so that people can get 50 per cent off their food.
We are being led by lunatics.
Bubble buddies
I’M currently drawing up a list of names of people who will be in my sexual intercourse bubble.
To stop another spike in the virus, people in the north of England are to be told that they can only stay overnight with named people in their “bubble”.
My bubble is coming along just fine.
Rihanna’s in it, for example, although she doesn’t know yet.
Also the Cuban singer Camila Cabello. She doesn’t know, either.
I think you’re only allowed about six names.
So should I go for Felicity Jones or Rachel McAdams? It’s a tough call.
Russia’s Jez too stupid
HOW dense are the Ruskies?
Did they really think that Magic Grandpa stood a chance of winning the last election?
They hacked into a Tory minister’s emails and found a proposed trade deal with the US.
They passed this straight on to Jeremy Corbyn in the hope he could use it to defeat Boris Johnson.
They like Corbyn because Corbyn hates Britain and always supports any country which has a beef with the UK.
Have to say I can’t get worked up about all this hacking stuff.
It has so little effect on our democratic process.
Especially when a clown like Corbyn is the beneficiary.
Dull as dust on Marzzzz
EVERYONE’S off to Mars. Billionaire American oddball Elon Musk is planning a trip quite soon.
And Nasa has said that man will walk on the surface of the Red Planet within a few decades. Great, huh?
There have been loads of probes landed on Mars.
All of them have reported the same thing. It’s the most boring planet in the history of planets.
No life, no atmosphere, just dust and rocks.
It’s even more boring than Belgium.
It makes the surface of the Moon seem exciting.
Once we thought there were canals on Mars and six-legged purple Martians armed with ray guns.
It’s always better to imagine these places than to actually visit them. They’re always a letdown.
Next stop Saturn: “Awww it’s just a load of gas surrounded by some floating rocks.”
Running out of poetry
SO schools can drop poetry from the national curriculum when pupils finally return (God knows when).
This is because the kids have a lot of catching up to do because most of their bone-idle teachers have been lounging around for six months.
I think it’s a great shame.
So here’s a poem for you, all you sirs and misses.
Watching Netflix, drinking beer,
Or lounging on the beach.
Back to work? No bloody fear,
We can’t be arsed to teach.
Still turning up
THE Government is currently providing housing for 48,000 asylum seekers – at a cost to the taxpayer of millions and millions of pounds.
Just what we needed, huh?
The migrants are still turning up, every day, on the beaches of our south coast.
Brexit has not deterred them, it seems.
Wouldn’t the money be better spent on a few more coastguards to turn these boats back?
At our expense
THE Speaker of the House of Commons has just spent £7,500 of your money on a new bed for himself.
I’m like, WTF? How did he choose his bed?
Send some lackeys out to find the most expensive bed in world history and then gild it in gold, like a footballer’s Porsche?
Have you ever heard of a bed costing £7,500?
You can get houses in my neck of the woods for that kind of money.
I bet Sir Lindsay Hoyle wouldn’t have spent £7,500 on a bed if he was paying for it himself.
But as you’re footing the bill, why not?
Rhodes to ruin
THE latest target of the deranged anti-racist activists is a school in North London.
It’s Rhodes Avenue Primary in Wood Green.
They want its name changed. They say Cecil Rhodes was a nasty white imperialist.
Maybe he was. But it’s not named after CECIL Rhodes.
It’s named after a distant relative of his called TOM. A dairy farmer.
None of this has deterred the thick-as-mince activists.
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They say because it SOUNDS as if it might be Cecil Rhodes it should still have its name changed.
These people are devoid of sense and education.
It is time we told them to get stuffed.
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