Can sex offenders change? Shocking BBC doc meets ‘reformed’ pervs including paedophile who’s now on dating websites
WALKING home at the height of summer, Andrew glanced across the street and saw kids playing in a paddling pool nearby. It was a scene that would pass most people by, but for him, it was an unwelcome trigger in a constant battle to fight his sexual desires towards children. He is one of several […]
WALKING home at the height of summer, Andrew glanced across the street and saw kids playing in a paddling pool nearby.
It was a scene that would pass most people by, but for him, it was an unwelcome trigger in a constant battle to fight his sexual desires towards children.
He is one of several convicted sex offenders that are now sharing their shocking stories in a new BBC Three documentary, Can Sex Offenders Change?
Andrew – not his real name – was arrested five years ago for possessing 80,000 indecent images of children. He claims it came after a troubled childhood and years of “regressing” into the mind of a toddler to deal with his pain.
Now, however, he insists he’s recovered – to the point he’s even using dating websites in the hopes of eventually meeting a wife and starting a family.
He shares his chilling story with presenter Becky Southworth, whose own father spent 10 years in jail for sex offences, as she attempts to investigate whether offenders really can change with different treatment programs.
It comes as it was revealed almost 450 sex crimes against babies under the age of one were committed in the UK in the past year.
Police forces in the UK recorded 73,518 offences including rape, online grooming and sexual assault against children in 2019/20, up 57 per cent from 46,738 in 2014/15 – according to figures obtained by the NSPCC under freedom of information laws.
‘I felt like a three-year-old child locked in an adult’s body’
Andrew, whose identity is hidden on screen, was placed on the sex offenders’ register for 10 years when cops discovered the images on his computer.
However, he tells a gobsmacked Becky that he no longer identifies as a paedophile now – and truly believes he has overcome his urges towards kids.
“What people forget is that paedophilia was the very definition of normal to me. I lived every day with it and as such it was my normal life,” he says.
“At least it was until about three months ago when all this started to change and my mind began to finally alter itself after a year in therapy.”
Paedophilia was the very definition of normal to me. I lived every day with it
Andrew
While he says he now only sees kids as “sweet” in a “normal way” – and instead feels attracted to adults – he does still have a problem when he sees a child naked.
“While it doesn’t leave me sexually frustrated, it still generates much anxiety in me because I don’t like to remember or see myself that way anymore,” he adds.
Andrew – who says he’s now heterosexual but was attracted to both boys and girls while offending – admits the children’s paddling pool party was an example of how quickly he can be thrown into an uncomfortable situation.
“I make sure that I don’t put myself in difficult situations but sometimes they find you,” he admits.
He believes his offending was triggered by a difficult childhood, which in turn meant he used to regularly regress into the mind of a three-year-old once grown up.
“I could be naked sitting on the floor or playing with toys… I have cuddly toys and even things like dummies, as strange as it sounds. That’s just regression,” he says.
“It’s about trying to create a personality in your mind that is more able to cope than you are.”
He adds: “I think it makes sense that the sexuality came about because I felt like a three-year-old child locked in an adult’s body.
“It makes sense that my mind would say, ‘right, I feel like children are my peers, and I’m going to be attracted to my peers’.”
What is the sex offenders register?
The sex offenders register contains the details of anyone convicted, cautioned or released from prison for a sexual offence since September 1997, when it was set up.
All convicted sex offenders must register with the police, in person, within three days of their conviction, or release from prison. They must continue this registration on an annual basis.
They must give their name, date of birth, home address and national insurance number.
Anyone getting a jail term of 30 months to life is subject to an indefinite term of registration.
A sentence of six months to 30 months sees the offender get 10 years on the register and a sentence of under six months requires registration of up to seven years.
It is not limited only to offences against children.
While Andrew insists he no longer regresses now, following more than 18 months of therapy, he still has 40 cuddly toys he finds comfort from.
He says he feels ready to try looking for an adult relationship now, but admits he’s unsure when the best time is to tell a potential love interest about his past.
“I’m on a dating website now for the first time in my life. It’s exciting,” he tells a worried-looking Becky.
“When it comes to disclosure… I don’t know when the best time is.
“I don’t want to be too up-front about it and give too much away early on because I can push them away, but I don’t want to wait a long time into the relationship because then it will feel like a betrayal.”
Andrew insists he reached out for help before he was eventually arrested, but felt ignored. He now says: “I’m treated like a predator but in reality I’ve always been much closer to a victim.”
Becky expresses concerns for Andrew throughout the documentary – particularly when he describes his troubled childhood as if it had been a contributing factor to his offending.
“There are a lot of people, like myself, that were abused as children and haven’t gone on to do that,” she says.
I feel sick. It makes my stomach turn… it’s a hard conversation to have.
Becky Southworth
“This idea of the abused becomes the abuser… I just can’t comprehend that. I can’t comprehend, knowing the pain that I felt, why you would then want someone else to feel that way.
“What worries me about Andrew is he talked about his attraction to children as a sexuality. And for me, a sexuality isn’t something you can change – even with therapy.”
She adds: “I feel sick. It makes my stomach turn… it’s a hard conversation to have.”
A personal journey through hell
Worryingly, arrests for accessing indecent images of children have risen by 60 per cent in the last five years – but only around 20 per cent of those caught go to prison.
Becky hopes to investigate whether treatment programs and therapy can hold hope of changing criminals and stop them re-offending.
Her father was arrested when she was just 13 years old and spent 10 years in jail – with part of his sentence for crimes against her.
“For me, one of the points of my life where I’ve felt the least safe is when I knew that my dad was being released from prison,” she admits.
“It never will be an easy thing to talk about, because you’re talking about your parent. These are the people that are supposed to protect you. A parent is supposed to be there for you and shelter you from the world.”
She reveals that he did a sex offender treatment program in prison, but has no idea if it worked for him as she doesn’t have contact with him – and never intends to again.
‘I never thought exposing myself caused distress’
Elsewhere on the show she meets Jonathan, not his real name, who was convicted of indecent exposure after being caught outside a school 10 years ago.
He is now taking medication, which is still in a trial phase, to try and suppress his sexual urges – which he says is working.
“It’s been a problem pretty much from childhood. I got bullied a lot at school so there was very little contact of a pleasant nature with my peers,” he tells Becky.
“It came about that I exposed myself at school and the girls were of a similar age to me. We would have been 8 or 9, and their reaction was surprising to me because they actually showed some interest – probably just natural curiosity.
“Because that was the only pleasant interaction that I’d had with peers it got a bit embedded.”
He says he began exposing himself to strangers as an adult when he passed them in the street, but never saw their reactions as he walked away so quickly.
In fact, Jonathan claims he only realised he was causing distress when he read victims’ statements.
He says it was mainly stress relief, but added he would get sexual gratification from the memories of it – urges which he believes are now being suppressed by medication.
‘My partner is a sex offender – but I’ve forgiven him’
Becky goes on to meet couple Vicky and Chris – not their real names – to try to understand how Vicky managed to forgive her partner of eight years.
He was arrested for downloading and distributing hundreds of indecent images of children – some of them Category A.
“Nothing can really prepare you for that knock on the door,” Vicky says. “It was really early in the morning, my boyfriend had gone to work, I thought, ‘oh, is this him not paying his TV licence or something like that?’
“To then be asked if I knew about a particular chat site that he was using… I’d never even heard of the chat site. It felt like I’d been betrayed.”
Chris claims his offending began with an addiction to porn. He has now lost all his closest friends as well as his job.
“I just felt terribly ashamed. I do consider myself, I think, a good person,” he tells Becky.
Chris insists it’s something he never would have acted on in real life, adding: “I don’t have an interest in 90 per cent of the porn – I don’t want to do any of that stuff.”
He says he’s now going cold turkey and never looking at porn – even placing a blocker on all sites that are risky.
I just felt terribly ashamed. I do consider myself, I think, a good person
Chris
Vicky says she has ultimately tried to forgive him as he’s “still the man she fell in love with” – and he has tried to understand how it developed from an addiction to porn.
While she insists neither of them ever wanted kids beforehand, however, she adds: “I remember thinking that I would have liked the choice… but now it’s not an option.
“Then if we were to get married, there’s a question of who would come. And even if people did come, they maybe don’t want to be there.”
So what’s being done now?
Becky meets Andrew’s therapist Michele, who insists therapy can truly help stop criminal re-offending.
“Up to now, as far as I know, 100 per cent of my clients have not re-offended,” he tells her.
Meanwhile, Professor Belinda Winder, co-founder of the Safer Living Foundation, says helping offenders to live as normal a life as they can is invaluable.
Most read in News
She adds: “We’ve dealt with nearly 60 very high risk individuals and I think, to date, we have just had one person re-offend.”
However, Becky remains sceptical at the end of the episode, revealing her concerns that many of the people she met relied on others around them – and if for any reason they weren’t there, they could slip back again.
Can Sex Offender Change? airs on Thursday, August 20, on BBC Three from 6am and on BBC One at 10.45pm.
If you’re worried about a child, even if you’re unsure, contact NSPCC’s professional counsellors 24/7 for help, advice and support. Call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk.