I’ve fallen for another woman after my wife told me to bed someone else

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY year, I spend a wonderful month in Australia having amazing sex with the lady I am in love with. Then I have to fly back to the UK and a wife who shut up shop sexually more than a decade ago. I’m a fit and active 57-year-old and my wife is 56. […]

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY year, I spend a wonderful month in Australia having amazing sex with the lady I am in love with.

Then I have to fly back to the UK and a wife who shut up shop sexually more than a decade ago.

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I’ve fallen for another woman after my wife told me to bed someone else[/caption]

I’m a fit and active 57-year-old and my wife is 56. She has not been interested in sex for years.

There’s no kissing, cuddling or holding hands. Nothing.

I begged her to come to counselling with me or see a doctor to get her mojo back, but she wasn’t interested. She told me to have sex with other women — so I did.

My job takes me all over the world and I have had several flings, but five years ago I met a wonderful woman at a trade fair in Sydney.

She is from an Asian background but speaks fluent English, is cultured, kind, attractive and enjoys sex. She is 47. We had drinks together the evening we met, then the next day and the next.

The following day we went to bed together and it was something else, not just fun sex like I’d had with other women but tender and special.

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Every year, I spend a month in Australia having sex with a lady I’m in love with[/caption]

I had to return to the UK soon after but she was booked to come to London with her boss for a conference two months later. I met up with her and it blew us both away.

Since then we have spoken every day and I have flown out to Australia for a month every year — usually in January — when I try to spoil her as much as I can, as she is not wealthy.

She hasn’t been with another man since we met and hopes I will soon be ready to tell my wife about us and be with her.

Obviously it is not easy to end a marriage after 30 years. Our daughters, who are both in their twenties, know something is wrong as I was set to leave a year ago but my wife begged me not to as she said she couldn’t cope on her own.

She promised to change but nothing is any different.

It’s not just the lack of sex. She won’t come to parties or weddings with me. I suggest a walk. “No, it’s too cold.”

I’m close to telling her this isn’t a holiday romance and I’m ready to move out. I am so unhappy here and I have fallen in love with the other lady. Do I leave or stay?

DEIDRE SAYS: There seems to be so much in favour of leaving to be with your lover that you need to get to grips with what on earth is keeping you here.

I doubt your children will be happy about you abandoning their mum but she is an adult responsible for the decisions she has made in life.

Organise to talk it all over with a counsellor online. Your wife can join you when you have got your own thinking clearer.

See relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.

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