My new girlfriend’s teenage daughter won’t let me move in with them
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T move in with my partner because her 13-year-old daughter won’t allow it.
Worse, my partner can’t stand up to her and is letting her dictate the rules.
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She’s said she loves me but that if it’s not OK with her daughter, I can’t move in. My feelings don’t seem to count.
My partner and I are both 40 and have been together for six years.
I’m sick of keeping a toothbrush at her house.
We’ve always talked about living together one day and with the pandemic, we decided this was the ideal time.
My partner had made space in her wardrobe for me and I’d even packed two large suitcases.
But the night before I was meant to move in she called me to tell me it couldn’t happen.
Now I wonder if it ever will – or at least not until her daughter has left home.
What hurts most is that I’ve tried so hard to be a good role model to this girl for nearly half her life.
But whatever I do, she shows me nothing but resentment and disrespect.
I’ve bought presents, helped her with her homework, talked to her . . . but nothing works.
She hates me for no reason.
DEIDRE SAYS: Dealing with a stepfamily situation will be particularly hard now because your partner’s daughter is a teenager, with all the hormonal and identity issues that go with puberty.
Your partner will feel torn.
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She needs to spell out to her daughter how much you mean to her but that it won’t change their relationship, or mean she has any less time or love for her daughter.
She must also explain that adults need to have adult relationships and she is entitled to her own life and happiness too.
The organisation Family Lives (familylives.org.uk) can give you both support. Call it on 0808 800 2222.
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