My mother might still be alive if I’d have taken her to the doctor sooner

DEAR DEIDRE: IF I had taken my mother to the doctor sooner, maybe she would still be here. I’m her 42-year-old daughter. She was 73. For weeks, she had been complaining of a bad cough and the occasional bit of breathlessness. She had always suffered badly with hay fever, so I assumed it was that […]

DEAR DEIDRE: IF I had taken my mother to the doctor sooner, maybe she would still be here.

I’m her 42-year-old daughter. She was 73.

For weeks, she had been complaining of a bad cough and the occasional bit of breathlessness.

She had always suffered badly with hay fever, so I assumed it was that and told her that we shouldn’t bother the doctor during the pandemic.

But last month she rang me saying she was struggling to breathe. We rushed her to hospital, where they kept her in to do some tests.

Within two weeks, she had died. It was lung cancer – and we’d missed it.

The guilt is unbearable. I don’t know how to deal with it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process. We tend to focus on what we could have done rather than what we actually did. My support pack on Bereavement explains this in more detail.

But you were clearly a loving and supportive daughter, so please don’t blame yourself.

The experts at Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677) will be able to help.