Daniel Craig let down men everywhere with his woke James Bond who doesn’t sleep around and was outshone by Ana de Armas
WE don’t have much left to look up to as blokes – but James Bond was always a safe bet. Until now.
Handsome, tough and charming, the world’s most famous super spy has long been the patron saint of masculinity — and like millions of men I wanted to be him while millions of women wanted to be with him.
But I’m sad to say, he’s let us chaps down. Badly.
Little summed up the tragic demise of 007’s credibility more than Daniel Craig‘s appearance at the new blockbuster’s world premiere on Tuesday in a fuchsia crushed velvet jacket and dubious make-up.
I was lucky enough to join the cast — including the movie’s bad-guy Rami Malek and Maddie and guests including Idris Elba and his wife Sabrina and Jason Momoa the Royal Albert Hall on Tuesday for the world premiere of 007’s long-awaited 25th outing, No Time To Die.
But despite leading man Daniel dressing up as womaniser Austin Powers, in almost three hours of film the action hero didn’t throw himself into a single sexually charged romp and was repeatedly outshone by the film’s female stars after Phoebe Waller-Bridge was brought in to overhaul the film’s script.
In fact, Bond’s only sex scene looked more like a cosy M&S advert as he delicately spooned love interest Madeleine Swann, played by Lea Seydoux — who was wearing a cardigan at the time. Nobody should be bonking in a cardy outside of a care home.
When he wasn’t dishing out wholesome cuddles, he was mostly apologising to his supposed MI6 rival Nomi, played by Lashana Lynch — awkwardly tiptoeing around the fact she’d just stolen his thunder as the most bad-ass agent in the secret service.
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But worst of all was the introduction of Ana de Armas as Paloma — the most stunning Bond Girl in a generation — who stole the show with a mix of beauty and brawn which 007 simply couldn’t handle.
Rather than save the day, pull the girl and ride off into the sunset with a semi-guilty smirk, Bond is over-awed, intimidated and blown out by the stunning brunette who casually whips out a semi-automatic and dispatches dozens of villains before bidding the supposed hero farewell with a casual quip which saw him beaten at his own game.
And it simply won’t do.
No Time To Die is an enjoyable film — but that’s not the point here. Bond’s character is big enough to withstand the onslaught of woke culture, his legacy too legendary to care for political correctness — but suddenly he’s a sensitive drip.
So while talk is rife over who might be the next leading man to step into the iconic tuxedo, I think we’re missing the real issue. You can put Noel Edmonds in a dickie bow for all I care, but I want him shooting baddies and getting laid — and I don’t want him apologising for it afterwards.
This latest Bond has been shaken and stirred far too much . . . it’s time he went back to basics — for the sake of men everywhere.
BASH IT OUT
IT was a late night for the cast and fellow stars, but not just because it was 11pm by the time the near three-hour film ended.
They headed to London members’ club Annabel’s for a glitzy after-party and were snapped leaving in the early hours, looking like they had made full use of the free bar.
CARDI’S BACK ON THE GOWN
CARDI B is reddy to get back to work just three weeks after giving birth to her second child.
She spared no expense on this figure-hugging, red sequin dress, which she teamed with a huge feather collar at a party for Paris Fashion Week on Monday.
The Wap rapper, who also wore a blonde wig, had the extravagant costume made for her by designer Thierry Mugler, whose party she was attending. Cardi is yet to reveal the name of her newborn son, who is a little brother to daughter Kulture.
One thing is for sure though – with her as their mum and rapper Offset as their dad, those kids will have plenty of kooky gear for their dressing up box.
Doherty’s shambles
A HOTEL business run by Babyshambles star Pete Doherty has literally become a shambles, after plunging £600,000 into the red.
The rocker, inset, who now lives in France and has just got engaged, has had to use the taxpayer-funded furlough scheme to pay staff at The Albion Rooms hotel in Margate, claiming £145,000 through the job retention scheme in seven months as the hotel’s losses more than doubled.
Financial accounts for 2020 show the hotel employed up to 12 people, three more than the previous year, and indicate losses of £598,000, up from £277,000 the year before.
Pete and fellow Libertines bandmates Carl Barat, John Hassall and Gary Powell are all directors and the main shareholders. The accounts show the hotel is worth less than £1million, but the company owes creditors around £1.6million, putting it in the red by some £600,000. Yikes.
SMITH ON BODY SIZE
BASTILLE have spent the best part of a decade in the public eye but now frontman Dan Smith has opened up for the first time about having body dysmorphia.
The singer, gearing up to release the band’s as yet untitled fourth album, gave his most personal interview ever in the first issue of Rolling Stone UK mag, which hits shelves today.
In the mag, he explained: “I think I was a pretty shy teenager, and I was a pretty heavy kid, too. In the summer of my third year of university, I ended up unintentionally losing a load of weight.
“I think I went from about 17st to 11st over a really short period, which was a pretty massive physical transformation. I’d always been a large kid and then a larger young adult, so that was stitched into my identity and how I saw myself. In a weird way, it’s still how I see myself because those were my formative years.
“So even after losing a lot of weight, I’ve always been self-conscious and awkward about how I look. I’ve not ever articulated this publicly and I think I’ve just carried that kind of self-consciousness with me. I guess I probably have a level of body dysmorphia.”
It has meant Dan feels strange in front of cameras, which led to him rejecting the chance to join The X Factor as a judge. He continued: “Getting in front of the camera to do the things you do in a band has often felt odd and unnatural to me. We didn’t do any television ever.
“I was turning down a lot of interviews and panel shows, being a judge on The X Factor and all these things that I just didn’t want to do. They were all amazing offers, but it wasn’t what I ever wanted out of this.”
Now the band are focusing on their fourth album, from which they have released three singles including Thelma + Louise – and that’s not the only track inspired by a movie. Namechecking films Blade Runner, Total Recall and The Matrix as influences, Dan added: “I started writing all these songs inspired by film worlds I’d want to be in, as well as fictional narratives I’d want to escape to.”
Carr's confessions
JIMMY CARR has admitted “very little” of his original face still exists because he’s had so much cosmetic work done.
He confessed: “I’ve gone a bit crazy with it, I’ve got the new teeth and the new hair – I’ve had a proper midlife crisis. Like, right, let’s get everything done.
“I’ve had a little bit of Botox, some filler – everything I can get done. My face is now like Trigger’s broom from Only Fools And Horses, very little of the original is still there.”
Jimmy has just written an autobiography called Before & Laughter and said he did it for the sake of his son, having only recently confirmed he’s a parent.
Speaking on Radio 2, he said: “I’ve got a kid now. I’m going to be an old dad, so by the time I get to the stage of giving him life advice, I’ll have forgotten it all. So I thought I’d stick it in a book and then he’ll have that.”