I walked in on my wife having sex with her ex-husband in our bed
DEAR DEIDRE: THE bottom fell out of my world when I walked in on my wife having sex with her ex-husband in our bed.
I wanted to surprise her by getting back from a work trip two days early but it was me who got an awful shock.
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We are both 38 and have been married for four years.
Her first marriage broke up six years ago. They had been together for seven years and have a six-year-old daughter.
When I met my wife at a friend’s birthday party, she had a crowd of people around her, hanging on her every word.
She has a real presence that lights up any room. She was holding court but as people dispersed, I found myself next to her.
I got us some drinks and didn’t leave her side. Nobody excited me like she did. She’s beautiful, with a warm personality.
We dated and married within a year.
I work for a tech firm and must travel worldwide. I miss my wife and my stepdaughter when I go away but we have a comfortable life so I get on with it.
My wife’s birthday was last week, so when the trip finished early because of Covid, I caught an early flight so I could wake up with her on her birthday morning.
Her ex is 40 and a bit of an idiot but as they share my stepdaughter, I’ve always accepted him.
I crept in quietly in the early hours hoping I wouldn’t startle my wife. My stepdaughter wasn’t in her room, so I assumed she was on a sleepover with my in-laws.
I heard moaning and pushed our bedroom door open to see my wife’s ex on top of her. My wife screamed when she saw me, and he leapt out of bed.
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It wasn’t a pretty sight.
My wife has told me it was a one-off and will never happen again but how can I trust her?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s going to take a while. You can’t unsee what you saw and that will be the biggest hurdle for you.
She’s betrayed you hugely and even if this was a one-off she needs to work hard to prove herself to you and rebuild your relationship.
Was it lust or is there something lacking in your relationship? Has she got fed up with you travelling?
I suggest you both see a couples’ counsellor, who will help you understand why she went back to this man. Contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300) to find a local counsellor.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? is full of advice to help get your relationship back on track.