I’m an etiquette expert, if you’ve got a fire pit or hot tub your garden it’s tacky & those are just the start
IT’S that time of year again when many of us are deciding to get back outside and work on our gardens.
While you may want to spruce your garden up with some new additions, etiquette expert William Hanson revealed the common mistakes people always do that make their outdoor living space look ‘tacky’.
According to William, a rotary washing line may be practical, but nothing screams ‘tacky’ quite like one being left up in the garden all year round.
And if you’re lucky enough to have the space for a lake, it can look very smart, but steer clear of trying to replicate the look with a pond, he says it’s just naff.
Football nets in the garden can be excused if you have little ones, but it’s just sad if they stay up when the children have left the nest.
And finally, did you ever think about how you plant your daffodils? Well, it can say a lot about your class. Putting them in a pot can be considered downmarket compared to them growing in the grass or a flower bed.
Other sure-fire ways to tell your garden is tacky are a collection of ‘quirky’ gnomes and multicoloured crazy paving.
Here William shares his thoughts on the most popular gardening trends of 2022.
Gnomes
While some people may think gnomes are a quirky extra to their garden, William disagrees.
The expert said: “A gnome on its own in what is a nice garden can be an ironic touch, but they’re still a naff addition.
“A family of gnomes dotted around the garden goes way beyond that, it’s just tragic.”
Fire pits
While fire pits may be appealing to those obsessed with Love Island, the expert isn’t entirely sold on the idea.
“I suppose they’re appealing to the neanderthals among us I guess, I’m not one of them.
“They’re not the tackiest thing to have in your garden, I’d rather that than a gnome or a hot tub, but if in doubt, don’t.”
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Hot tubs
During the pandemic, people were looking for any joy they could get, including splashing out on a hot tub, says William.
But now we are heading out of the pandemic and can leave our homes, William claims they are just cesspools of filth.
He adds: “My neighbours are talking about getting one and I’m talking about moving.
“Hopefully, that’ll happen before they get it and it affects the property market.”
Electric water features
Thanks to the popular gardening show Ground Force, these became hugely popular, and William says they seem like a lovely idea on paper.
However, they never quite work in reality.
He explains: “It is a delusion of grandeur, they look great when it’s in Trafalgar Square or the Trevi Fountain in Rome.
“Not a little trickle in Borehamwood.”
Fake plants and grass
Anything fake inside or outside the house is immediately naff says William.
“A garden is a garden, it’s meant to look wild and almost accidental in the way it looks.
“If everything is overly neat and manicured, we move from being sophisticated into being tacky.”
During the summer you want this big mount of plants and shrubbery crashing into each other, he explains, rather than being neat and having separate distinct lines.
Egg chairs
Simply put, the expert says it makes your house look like it is on the set of Love Island, which can only be described as downmarket.
Outdoor cinemas
William finds the idea of outdoor cinemas impractical and selfish.
He adds: “Wolverhampton is not the South of France.
“It doesn’t have the same weather.
“If you planned on inviting guests to one, you won’t be able to start until 9pm when it’s dark enough to watch a film and at that point, people are going to freeze in England.
“Unless you live in the middle of nowhere it’s going to affect your neighbours and they don’t necessarily need to hear Die Hard while they are trying to sleep.”