My partner’s always after a fight – even when I help her with the laundry

DEAR DEIDRE: ANYTHING I say causes an argument. It’s like my partner is constantly on the attack. I’m a man of 56, my girlfriend is 52 and we have been together for four years. We moved in together during lockdown, and unfortunately, all that time with each other revealed an unpleasant side to her. She […]

DEAR DEIDRE: ANYTHING I say causes an argument. It’s like my partner is constantly on the attack.

I’m a man of 56, my girlfriend is 52 and we have been together for four years.

We moved in together during lockdown, and unfortunately, all that time with each other revealed an unpleasant side to her.

She is always on edge and ready for a battle. For example, last week I thought I’d help out by washing and changing the towels.

As soon as she spotted what I’d done, she started shouting at me. She said: “Is what I normally do not good enough?”

Her ex was really critical of her, so I wonder if this has anything to do with it?

DEIDRE SAYS: You are correct. It sounds as though your partner is insecure after learning to constantly defend herself.

She saw you doing the washing as a criticism of how and when she usually does it.

Explain you genuinely wanted to help. Ask her how you can help her feel less on edge. Perhaps she needs more verbal reassurance.

Couples’ counselling may help you learn how to communicate better. Contact relate.org.uk to find someone local.

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