I think my wife’s best friend fancies me because we played footsie at dinner
DEAR DEIDRE: YEARS of celibacy have left me so frustrated I’m tempted to sleep with my wife’s best friend. She’s been flirting with me for months and I’m only human. I love my wife but I’ve tried everything to get her to want me again, and nothing works. I am 47 and she is 41. […]
DEAR DEIDRE: YEARS of celibacy have left me so frustrated I’m tempted to sleep with my wife’s best friend.
She’s been flirting with me for months and I’m only human.
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I love my wife but I’ve tried everything to get her to want me again, and nothing works.
I am 47 and she is 41. We’ve been together for 20 years and have two children, who are both grown up and living away.
We had a decent sex life until about three years ago, when she totally lost interest.
She started saying she was too tired or too stressed or had too much else to think about.
She would rather reorganise her clothing shop displays than come home early.
I tried to make life easier for her by cooking and doing the washing-up, and pouring her a glass of wine when she came in.
I took her out to restaurants and booked weekends away.
It made no difference. If anything, she seemed annoyed by my efforts and less interested in intimacy.
She has totally given up on a physical relationship.
As she works so much, I often end up talking to her friend, who is 48, more than she does.
She will call when my wife is busy, or out, and we’ll chat.
I even confided in her about our lack of intimacy because I thought she might have some ideas or could talk to my wife.
This friend is divorced and when she started flirting with me I thought I was imagining it.
But last weekend when we all went out for dinner, there was no mistaking her intentions.
She played footsie with me under the table and even put her hand on my knee.
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Last night, she messaged and asked if I fancied meeting up, just the two of us. I know she means meeting for sex.
I am so tempted to say “yes”, but I’m aware it will probably all end in tears. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are right: Having an affair with your wife’s best friend would almost certainly end in disaster.
It would wreck your marriage, destroy your wife’s relationship with her best friend, and leave her feeling doubly betrayed.
The truth is, you don’t really want this friend. What you want is a sex life with your wife, whom you love.
So please get her at a calm moment – not in bed – and tell her how much this is affecting you.
Suggest you have counselling and sex therapy together to try to improve this situation.
Find support through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
My support pack Saving Your Sex Life should help you both.