Wife’s anxiety has left me a porn addict – I have to watch it every single day

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYONE around me thinks I’m this kind, genuine guy with a good job and a great home life. They don’t know that I’ve got serious porn addiction issues. I can’t get through a single day without watching porn — and pretty messed up stuff too. I’m 44, my wife’s 41. We’ve been married […]

DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYONE around me thinks I’m this kind, genuine guy with a good job and a great home life.

They don’t know that I’ve got serious porn addiction issues.

I can’t get through a single day without watching porn — and pretty messed up stuff too.

I’m 44, my wife’s 41. We’ve been married for 15 years, together for 22.

I’ve never really had anything to moan about — we rarely argued and had good sex.

But everything changed when the pandemic hit.

My wife has always been nervous, but her anxiety skyrocketed when Covid arrived.

She’d have a panic attack when she left the house.

Even now, she still refuses to go anywhere without a mask.

Because of her anxiety, sex hasn’t been on the cards.

I think the last time we were intimate was in 2019.

So I started watching a little bit of porn and pleasuring myself.

Gradually, the amount of porn I watched crept up and up.

At first, it would be once a day.

Now I watch it at two or three times a day. I’m really disgusted with myself.

I so want to shake this off but my mind is constantly thinking of when I’m next going to be able to log on.

I’ve tried to stop but I can only ever manage one porn-free day at a time.

I’ve started to watch more and more extreme content involving BDSM and group sex which I was never into before.

Please help.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Porn addiction is far more widespread than many realise but there is lots of help out there and effective help too.

It will be hard curbing your porn habit and will take dedication but when you do the rewards will be so worth it.

You can reconnect with your wife and enjoy a better sex life than before.

The first step is to block the sites on your phone, start to understand the triggers that make you reach for porn and begin to change your routine.

This will help you from slipping back into the same old routine.
Have a look at Sex & Porn Addiction Help (sexaddictionhelp.co.uk).

They have a great step-by-step guide and self-help tips.

Also, encourage your wife to speak to her GP about getting some counselling for her anxiety.

You don’t need to go into details with your wife but explain that you miss intimacy so much you have been relying on porn and want that to stop.

Some couples counselling might help you both reconnect, so approach tavistockrelationships.org.