My sister betrayed me by stealing my husband – she’s dead to me
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN put up with my sister taking my clothes, even my jewellery – but I never imagined she would steal my husband.
I’m a 34-year-old housewife and my husband is 37. We’ve been together 11 years. We have two kids, aged three and five.
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My sister’s 32. She’s a real go-getter with a high-flying job in the City.
She says she’s too busy for a man, let alone children.
Though our lives are very different, we’d always been each other’s biggest supporters. She was my best friend.
I’d tell her everything, like how my sex life was dwindling and how I feared my husband didn’t find me as attractive now.
Looking back, I don’t know how she contained her laughter as she reassured me that he loved me.
We’d see her most weekends. She’d take us out to places we couldn’t dream of affording.
I was so stupid thinking she invited us out because she wanted to see her big sister.
It never crossed my mind she’d been sleeping with my husband.
He dropped that bombshell when I caught him packing his bags in the middle of the night.
Apparently they had been carrying on during “work trips” and lunch breaks while I’ve been the dutiful homemaker and mum.
It’s three weeks since I last saw them. I’ve ignored their calls and messages.
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Yesterday I got a letter from my husband, threatening legal action if I don’t let him see his kids.
But I can’t stand the thought of them growing up knowing their scumbag dad. My sister is dead to me.
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DEIDRE SAYS: What a traumatic experience, being doubly betrayed by the two people you should have been able to rely on.
But no matter how badly your husband treated you, he is still the father of your children.
While you are understandably angry, you do not want them to resent you for depriving them of a relationship with their father.
I am attaching my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which has guidance on the importance of considering children in a break-up.
Besides, ignoring those who have hurt you will not necessarily help heal the pain. Find the strength to seek counselling.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960). And while this is so raw, please consider family mediation as a way to communicate effectively regarding your children.
National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636) can help you.
Rest assured there will come a day when you feel ready to throw yourself into life again and find someone who appreciates you.